TL/DR: My husband is really trying to repair trust issues in our relationship, but I don’t know how to move forward.
My (31F) husband (34M) and I have been in a relationship for 6 years and married for 1 year. We have a new baby which seems to be pushing past problems to the surface. We’ve had reoccurring issues where I’ve felt he doesn’t follow through on things, leading to me not trusting him.
Most of the problems are small but have really added up for me. Examples: he’d promise to clean up the yard then wouldn’t, he’ll forget to lock the doors at night after being reminded, little things like that. There have also been several important health and safety things he’s forgotten in the last year after agreeing to do them, but I don’t want to get too specific with those.
We go to therapy once a week, but seem to be stuck. He’s putting in effort to gain back my trust through consistently following through on his promises, but I’m having such a hard time trusting that this is a lasting meaningful change. I’m clinging to control because if I don’t do it myself I don’t trust it will be done.
He’s had a slip up this week where he left the back gate open again and the dog go out and I got really upset. He sees it as one mistake after doing so well on other things. I see it as another breech of trust and a confirmation on how I need to do everything myself so it’s done right.
How do I move forward from needing to check/manage everything, and trust my husband again. I am so exhausted from clinging onto control but can’t seem to let go.