I’ve been dating a man for a couple months now and I think we are getting close to having sex soon. He’s been sexting me and in his sexts he always eludes to being very excited to make me orgasm. Usually via oral. The problem is I can’t orgasm. I never have been able to, my body just doesn’t work unfortunately. I’ve had very skilled partners in the past and never got close to orgasming, oral or penetration alike. It’s not a skill issue, it’s just my body. Anyway, I am very anxious about my current partner finding out about this. I fear he will be extremely disappointed, and won’t enjoy sex with me as much. I’m sure it’s very fun for men to make a woman cum, and I cannot provide that. Is it better to fake orgasms for his enjoyment? It doesn’t affect my experience either way. So I’m thinking faking it could make his experience better.
26 comments
I’ll just say this.
NEVER EVER EVER EVER fake it. For your partner’s sake. Be 100% transparent and honest.
If climaxing is something you’d like to get to, work on that however you want. That’s another topic.
But NEVER fake it.
Don’t fake it. enjoy the moment relax and be communicative. Probably he enjoys eating you out as much as making you cum, it’s a challenge but not a necessity.
Nah. First, because if he finds out, he’s probably going to feel super betrayed, and any lie’s bound to be revealed sooner or later. And whenever you break up, he’s probably gonna have an inflated ego and very wrong ideas about his skills (cuz it’s easy to over-act when faking it) so that’s also not good for him. Just need to hammer into his head that an orgasm isn’t always the main goal.
You only mention not orgasming with partners and from sex. What about when you’re alone tho? Tried toys?
Please do not do that. If he ever were to find out it would devastate him. I think you would also put yourself in a bad place with it mentally and possibly minimize your own enjoyment.
Be open about it, tell him exactly how you presented it here and he will surely understand and not see himself as the issue if it doesn’t happen. Maybe even tell him how or what you enjoy in sex, so you can both have fun.
Not from a man’s perspective
Tell him the truth one way or another. If you’re thinking about this guy as a long-term prospect, you want someone who loves you for who you are. He can’t do that if you lie about who you are.
You’d doing yourself and your partner a huge disservice
Would you want your partner to fake it for you.
Tell him exactly what you ever written here. This is not some thing you can do. It’s just the way you are. This is not a goal for him to reach or a challenge to surmount. you are still excited about sex, but when you say you are satisfied, you are done.
DO tell him all of the things that you are excited to do together. if you are excited about oral, let him know 🙂 when you do touch one another, use your words and moans to express what you are feeling. if he does something that you love, tell him! It’s clear that he is really looking forward to bringing you pleasure. Let him know exactly what kind of touch you enjoy when you have sex together.
Do you enjoy sex even though you don’t orgasm? What do you enjoy about it and why? That’s what to tell him, while you’re telling him that you don’t think you can orgasm.
Very important for both of your sakes for you to tell him.
And like the /becomingorgasmic link someone posted above, this may be something that can be changed, if you would like to try.
Never fake it; you will teach him to do the wrong things, and your intimate life will be built on deceiving him.
Tell him everything you’ve said here. He accepts it or he doesn’t, and if he stays with you, he’s accepting the real you.
Check out r/becomingorgasmic if it’s something you want to explore.
NO if you fake it he will never learn to please you. Please do not fake it.
Get yourself a good vibrator girl. Men cannot make me orgasm either. It’s actually really common for women.
Have you ever been able to have an orgasm on your own?
Never fake it. Be honest.
You should be honest with him now before you get his hopes up too high. Just tell him that it feels good but you just can’t orgasm, so you don’t want him to be disappointed if it doesn’t happen, which it probably won’t. I’m guessing this is the case as I have been with women before who had this problem. But I strongly feel that you should let him know ahead of time, that you are just not wired that way.
I don’t think you should fake it, I think that more women should be forthright with this issue instead of giving in to fragile male ego and making them think they’ve achieved something they have not.
Don’t fake it. Also in my experience cumming is not something a man can just make you do on command regardless of his experience. You have to be in the right mindset and also I think you kind of have to know your body well enough to actually do it. When you masterbate do you just stop when you get tired?
Don’t do that. Either share this post, or just tell him. “Most” women can orgasm is what I’ve heard, again and again. If he knows this important information, maybe you two can work on over “cumming” this obstacle.
If you (literally) lie about this, there is no way that you’re going to overcome your ability to orgasm.
My girlfriend and I discovered that she’s multi-orgasmic. None of her other lovers have even bothered to try to make her cum. If she assumed what you assume, we may have never discovered this amazing ability of hers.
Honestly is always the best policy.
Please be honest. Make him work for it & work on communication of your interests & pleasures. I really believe I’ve never had a woman fake it with me because there were so many who were so honest about what to expect. It feels good as a lover to have that honesty & connection
With most on here but be honest and absolutely do not fake it. As a guy, tell me about it all up front. If he goes on some rant about how he’s better and he’ll make it happen then Jesus he’s not the one.
Hopefully he’s understanding and you do get real pleasure from the act just not orgasm (that can be amazing and all that’s needed). He should be thankful to know up front, still driven to make sure you have a really good time and not depressed if you don’t cum.
As a guy, that would be perfect, and amazing but I also know guys and for fucks sake the assholes are out there that give the rest a bad name so be gentle in how you talk about it and be just sure he does understand. We can be dense even when we mean well.
Don’t fake it. You gotta find the right freak and trust him to take you there.
How could you possibly fake it if you have never had one? That being said faking is the same as lying so I would avoid lying.
Definitely no. I’ve done it all my life and had a whole lot of bad sex as a result. Communication is key to good sex. Also, have you tried toys? There’s some great clitoral stimulators out there that might help in the orgasm department. Spend some time getting to know your body solo. Then you’ll be able to communicate with a guy about how to make you orgasm.
Female here: I also have some kind of sexual dysfunction. I don’t fake it but to be clear that means my partners sex life could be better for him with another woman because men love the sound of their partners pleasure and it hurts them emotionally I think to not have that or at least that’s how my partner is, he tells me “I work so hard sometimes” to make me finish and he gets nothing but his own orgasm which I guess isn’t good enough?
I would say if you know you can’t orgasm and sex is more of an act that you do for your partner/closeness and you like everything else about him it’s okay to fake it for his pleasure.
I faked it for a bit with my now fiance and it made me feel like shit. When I told them the truth we talked and I told them I struggle with orgasming. They now do everything to try to make me orgasm even if I don’t reach it just yet. My point is to tell the truth. Make sure you’re honest about what’s going on with your body
No, no, no, no, no. Do not fake orgasms. Do not try to build a relationship on a foundation of dishonesty.