Hi everyone,
I’m looking for some advice because I’m feeling really conflicted.
I (21M) have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 months now (we’ve known each other for around 4 months), and things have been going really well. I feel happier, more productive, and generally more lighthearted — though some of that might just be senior-year energy. I’m graduating soon and moving away, so I’m still unsure about whether we’ll try long-distance, but for now I’m enjoying the relationship.
I wanted to take a short trip with her over winter break — either a long drive or a short flight. I’m paying for it myself, so it’s not something I’d be asking my parents to fund. But when I mentioned the idea to my parents, they completely shut it down. Some of their concerns were understandable (like thinking it might be too soon, or worrying I’ll get too attached before moving away), but some of the things they said really hurt. They brought up things like her “ruining my reputation” or that I “can’t act like an American” (I’m from another ethnic background).
For context, this is my first relationship, and my parents had an arranged marriage, so there’s no model for dating in my family. I also still feel like I have to ask them for permission for things because they live close by and expect me to come home for every break.
The bigger issue is that I don’t think they’ll ever approve of anyone I date. I’ve also never taken trips with friends or done anything fun during school breaks — I’ve always just stayed home because my parents think that’s what people in our community are “supposed” to do. I’ve tried to be respectful; when they moved closer to me, I went home almost every weekend and missed out on a lot of social opportunities because of it. But I’m starting to feel really sheltered at a time in my life when I want to grow, have new experiences, and build independence.
I was excited for this trip, but now I’m not sure what to do. I want to understand my parents’ perspective, but I also feel frustrated and stuck. Any advice or outside perspective is appreciated — whether you agree with me or with my parents.
TL;DR: I’m 21 and in my first relationship. I want to take a short trip with my girlfriend, but my parents reacted very negatively and said some hurtful things. I’ve always been expected to stay close, not travel, and ask for permission for everything. I feel sheltered and like they won’t ever approve of anyone I date. Looking for advice on how to handle this.