We have been dating for over a year, and been living together (temporarily) for the past few months. We have a generally good relationship. We never fight, and if I get upset with something he does (very rarely), he will apologize and try to fix the situation. He is so so so good to me – always making sure I am okay, taking care of me if I am sick, doing little acts of service. He never gets upset with me.
I am usually a good communicator, this is not my first relationship, which is why I think I feel so strange about this. I just feel so emotionally disconnected from him I think. He doesn't really talk about his feelings and its not like I can make him. There are smaller things that throw me off – he never wants to get married (in the potential future) and I want it as a possibility at least. He also used to have a bad drug addiction and now he is "cali sober", but still will either drink or smoke most days of the week. I've always had a strange relationship with that kind of thing, and now I think it makes me feel even lonelier somehow. I feel silly posting this anonymously on the internet, but I also can't talk to people that I know about this. I love him so so much and it would kill me to know that my friends/family think badly of him even in some light.
I think my feelings are getting amplified because we're living together right now, and our differences are that much more obvious. He is really the sweetest guy – I don't want to hurt him. How do I overcome these feelings? How do I talk to him about this in a productive way? Is this something that people experience regularly and manage to fix?
I hope this is not too ranty and that it makes sense.
TL;DR – My boyfriend is a kind, caring, easy-going person. I feel lonely and disconnected from him and I can't talk about it like a normal person.