I’m in a complicated situation and I really want to handle it in the most respectful and stable way possible. I’ve been hesitant to talk about this anywhere because I don’t want to cause conflict or hurt anyone, but I need an outside perspective.
I (26FTM) moved in with my girlfriend (23F) and her family after only a couple of weeks of dating (we began dating in late June). At the time I was dealing with major housing instability and had nowhere safe for myself and my cat to go, so this felt like the only viable option. They’ve been generous in letting me stay, and I don’t want to seem ungrateful for that.
Over the last several months, I’ve realized that we aren’t compatible romantically or sexually because I am a gay man. I care about her and value her as a person and a close friend, but I don’t see a long-term future between us in that way. I want to end the romantic part of the relationship and eventually move out, but I don’t want to disrupt her family’s household or make things tense.
I’m financially dependent right now because I don’t have transportation, reliable income, or a place I can move to immediately. I’m also on her mom’s phone plan, which makes everything feel even more complicated. This makes me unsure how to start the conversation without causing stress or confusion.
Another issue is our shared living space. Our room has become really cluttered (mostly belongings she never unpacked and sorted through after moving), and I’ve struggled with it as someone who thrives in minimalistic environments. I tried to reorganize things so I could function better, but I didn’t want to overstep or make decisions about her things. When I tried to communicate that I was feeling overwhelmed in the space, the conversation didn’t go very far, and I felt stuck.
I want to make plans to return to my old university next semester so I can move back into campus housing, get another work-study job, and rebuild my support system. I’ve reached out to my old counselor there for help and I’m waiting to hear back, but I still have to figure out how to transition out of this relationship and home in a way that’s calm, respectful, and considerate of everyone involved.
What I need advice most on is the logistics and communication side of this:
How do I begin this conversation without making it emotionally overwhelming for her?
How do I navigate ending things while still needing to temporarily live here until school housing opens?
How do I set boundaries around space and independence without causing tension in the household?
I’m trying to be as kind and thoughtful as possible. I don’t want drama, conflict, or accusations. I just want to find the healthiest way forward for everyone.
Any advice or perspective would really help.
TL;DR:
I (26FTM) live with my girlfriend (23F) and her family after moving in very quickly due to housing instability. We’re not compatible romantically or sexually, I’m financially dependent for right now, our shared space is overwhelming, and I don’t know how to plan a respectful, low-conflict exit without disrupting the household or losing housing for me and my cat.