Background: We met in college, didn’t date until after. We got married 2 years ago, been together for a total of 6. no kids and not planning on any.
I’m hoping to get some help with this ongoing issue that isn’t ”get a divorce”.
As the title says, my husband needs constant entertainment. Like seriously, constant.
It wasn’t something that was really an issue earlier in our relationship when we still lived apart or just had a less enmeshed life. But the issue slowly began to build itself up over the years, really culminating in the last year.
He takes it personally if I want to read or paint for a few hours in silence or listening to music. He complains that he just feels bored or depressed if he goes on the 3k gaming computer he decided to purchase last year. I’ve had some success getting him into some pretty long and involved games but he goes through periods of playing/not playing and when he’s not playing he’s so much more needy for attention.
He has/we have a decent friend group so he’s always reaching out to someone to hang out. The problem is that other people have lives too or they also would like to be home and chill and he gets so butthurt and claims everyone’s always blowing him off. It’s just not true, but he seems to think if he doesn’t see people 3x a week that he has no friends. Personally, I don’t even see my own best friends more than once every few months and one of them lived in the same city as me. People are busy and tired and life is exhausting.
It becomes a problem when his need for stimulation vs my need for chill time becomes an argument. He loves to say that I’m an introvert. I disagree, I’m happy to see people for dinner 1-2 times a week but I grew up with no siblings so I just am not bothered by being alone like he is. He has two brothers but they live on the East coast and he only really sees them for Christmas.
The argument we’ve been having is him refusing to understand that wanting to have time to myself or time in the apartment we pay a lot of money to rent isn’t antisocial or negative. And conversely, I feel that his inability to be alone with himself or his thoughts for a weekend or even a few hours is indicative of a problem. He gets mad and then makes a bunch of plans for the next month of back to back weekends. There is no balance whatsoever of our time.
He has been sulking extra lately because the holidays are coming up and people are understandably busy. They‘re either taking PTO, spending time with family, or just doing their own thing. Every winter it’s the same story- he sulks because people aren't dying to be outside and do things.
Im at a loss for what to do. We keep having the same conversation every few months and I feel like I’m at my wit’s end with his neediness. It’s getting to the point where I hear him typing the number pad for our door and I get a flicker of irritation. And it’s kind of giving me the ick.
I would appreciate some pointers in having a more impactful conversation with him, especially for anyone who had gone through this.
TLDR: Husband needs to constantly be entertained or engaging with me/someone, otherwise he sulks or gets into a foul mood. He seriously struggles to exist independently of other people and has admitted that being alone is depressing to him. By “alone” he means a few hours on the computer or in front of the tv. I am beginning to feel like I have a big child and i’m just exhausted from having to constantly provide him with stimulation.