I’m 36 weeks pregnant and my husband has been acting so strange the past couple months. We’ve always had a very traditional setup where I cook clean and basically keep everything running. I never minded before (I actually love being a more traditional wife) but now that I physically can’t do as much he has started acting weirdly helpless.
What bothers me is how selective it is like when he’s home with me he acts like he’s weak and exhausted and can’t do basic things like open water bottles or get himself a glass of water or do very basic chores like lifting the garbage bag out from the bin or putting away dishes etc without my help (I still do 90% of the cleaning by myself). He lays around making dramatic “sick” faces but if a friend calls he instantly sounds normal and is energetic. If he has a fishing trip he wakes up before sunrise full of energy and can suddenly know how to plan a whole trip, prepare all his gear etc. He just went out of state for little trip to see his brother and didn’t complain even once about being sick or helpless and had days full of fun activities.
The hardest part is that when he was gone out of state I felt so much peace. The house stayed clean I didn’t have to pick up constant messes or frankly share space with someone clearly faking being sick and on the verge of death and needing to be pampered. It honestly felt like a break. To clarify – I was genuinely worried about his medical complaints at first but I quickly noticed a pattern of him having a serious medical concern he’s freaked out about and legitimately acting like he’s on the verge of death then getting every imaging, lab and consult under the sun (all coming back normal) and having meds or treatment prescribed for his symptoms then he will act like everything is fine, never try the treatment or meds, and move on to a next new problem.
I’m starting to resent him. I think he’s panicking about losing the dynamic where I take care of him and he’s clinging to it now that I’m pregnant and can’t do everything anymore – ESPECIALLY now that a baby is coming super soon who will have all my attention.
I’d especially appreciate hearing from first time dads. What actually helped you understand what your partner needed during pregnancy and how to adjust?
TL;DR: 36 weeks pregnant and my husband suddenly acts helpless, sick and incapable only when he’s around me, but is totally normal and energetic around friends or on trips without me. He also throws tantrums over basic tasks even though he’s fully capable. I felt peaceful while he was away and now I’m starting to resent him. Looking for advice especially from first time dads on how to talk to him about stepping up.