Hello everyone, i would like to share my story and hopefully get some answers from people that have gone through the same thing because it's eating me inside.
I have been in contact with a girl that i really like for the past 8 months (the last 4 were intimate, first was more casual). I've found her through socials randomly and we clicked instantly. The communication was unreal and the level of intimacy on our conversations was very deep and unique, like ive never felt this way with any other girl in my life..For me, she checked all my boxes for a partner and i would really like to see where this goes. But all this time we couldn't meet for various reasons. Two weeks ago she told me that she could get days off and i could finally book tickets to meet her. Everything was great, i was feeling ecstatic, until she started a conversation about our future (which she didnt have to really, it's too soon) phrasing it somewhat wrong, as if i would be the only one to fight for our relationship, and my brain went "wtf, why is she saying all those things?".. Three days after that i woke up feeling completely void of emotions, numb and having no interest talking to her. I was scared, panicked and cried because it hadn't happened to me before, only seen it on friends and been done to me by one other girl. It was unfathomable for me how this could happen. I am feeling dissociated and i cant sleep or eat all those days.
I communicated to her that i need some space and she took it personally and started deactivating herself..She said she knew she is too much and suffocating (as was expected). I started therapy because of that and because i don't wanna lose what we had and the therapist told me that i was triggered because i created so many unrealistic expectations of me in my head and i am afraid that she would leave me if i didnt meet those, so my subconscious decided to turn it all off. But i have to stick it out and continue communicating with her, even casually.She even insisted on us meeting even if we are not feeling like it..
TLDR: I got scared because of unrealistic expectations set by me after coming close to the love i crave or is it something else?
Thanks to anyone that reads my story and i would appreciate any help!