How do I move forward and work on this in a productive way?
I love my Gf very much and in almost every other aspect our relationship(6 years) is generally great. But this issue has been getting progressively worse and I don’t see much else to try besides breaking it off which I don’t want to do. (Also therapy isn’t an option, financially, atm)
I’ve always been relatively needy for physical touch. It’s my primary love language and while I definitely appreciate other types from the partners I’ve had physical intimacy has always by far been how I feel most loved and appreciated. This wasn’t an issue early in the relationship I think mostly because we were teens and not out on our own but in the recent years everything has been slowing to a crawl.
We’ve had sexual disparities now and again for various reasons, primarily we have vastly different libidos and mine hasn’t decreased at all by comparison. But it’s generally worked out after discussion or attempting to deal with whatever issue being at the heart of it at the time. I’ve settled a good bit and now am fine with caring a lot less about quantity and more quality but that’s been becoming an issue as of late especially since moving into our new place 6 months ago. When she rarely is in the mood it’s always a quick session with little to no foreplay and I while I try to focus on her pleasure I don’t get much reciprocation on that end. I’ve gotten used to dealing with those feelings for the most part.
However lately it’s getting into where even basic affections are becoming rare and for very little time when done at all. Cuddling, making out, head scratching, back rubs, affirmative whispers, general holding, etc.. are rare and usually done primarily by me. And that what’s starting to hurt. Lots of it is for various reasons. She has sensory issues at times, self esteem-especially body image, as she’s gained a decent amount of weight in recent years, childhood emotional neglect, and other feelings to deal with. All very valid reasons by themself but especially together. But most aren’t showing signs of significant improvement even after years of work, despite trying to be there and available for her as much as possible. But my feelings don’t just go away and bringing them up with her ends with her being more upset and feeling like she’s not doing good as a partner. My own emotional issues are by comparison very minor and I rarely ever really need consoling or comfort for them, so I feel extremely guilty for having to put this on her, but also sometimes as if my problems don’t matter as a result. But’s it’s becoming a pit, harder and harder to just bury.
Recently has been a particularly dry spell and I’m not sure how to feel anymore. If I’m valid for this, if I’m selfish for wanting focus on me for a change, if I just need to suck it up or be more understanding, and for how long, how to talk about it with her anymore. I want my partner to want to provide this. Not out of obligation after being told, but unprompted, if not for themself then because they know it means a lot to me. I know she loves me and wants to provide how she can but it’s hard to not feel unwanted. But most advice is just break up or suck it up and I need some discourse or guidance.