So it’s been 3 years we’ve been dating, and previously he used have frequent night outs, now its like once a month or two, in someone’s bday or celebrations or for a drink.
We don’t live together and he texts/updates me whenever he’s out with his friends etc. Yesterday he had a bday party, and told me he’ll live by 11pm, I asked him if I can call we talked and I slept, later in the morning i saw his texts and he came home at 12:30 am.
And that didn’t sit well with me cause it’s dangerous outside and we’ve had this discussion of coming home on time, 2 months before too when he came home late, and well before that as well. So I was angry, cause I’d prefer a partner to be home on time – be responsible and careful and accountable. He kept apologizing and saying sorry but this just feels like a repeated cycle and he didn’t say it wont happen again, so it will. We didn’t argue, cause well I am angry and he was apologizing, but he also said “it was a bday celebration and he has to think of his friends, cant just leave when everyone’s there plus he left as soon as possible and didn’t go clubbing etc, all his friends did”
And when he’s out with his friends, he smokes and drinks (i hate both), and i could say he has had a rough day, but no he meets his friends frequently cause he doesn’t do 9-5 job (which is fine cause he does business & just cause i do 9-5, not gonna force him).
Now i think he doesn’t have boundaries when it comes to his friends but also not cause he can’t say no, he doesn’t want to. And I overthink, always need to go with a plan kinda person think that in future what if this becomes the norm, i would hate to have a partner who comes home late and always out with his friends.
I feel like this is also a trauma from my parents relationship, in short my dad prioritizes his friends more than my mom or family, always out with his friends drinking smoking and does whatever his friends say basically ruining our lives and def doesn’t love my mom doesn’t care(should’ve gotten divorced but chose to traumatize us)
Anyway ik a partner should not be controlling, i am not my bf’s mom, there has to be compromise. He is very loyal, and when I hear my friends partners story, i do believe my bf is a good person tho. Help me see the light am i being too controlling?
Also i feel like i have resentment stored? My bf doesn’t have high EQ and I basically have to tell him to how to love me or care for me or like this is what i need, and he does whatever i say but it’s tiring teaching all the time and when he cannot see for himself when a need has to be fulfilled. He cannot plan or do surprises even on my bdays, he gets me expensive stuff and says or complains it was expensive. I plan and pay sorta like 50-50 whereas he spends on his friends or buying branded stuff. I just do things after noticing or without the need to be asked (idk older daughter things ig) I just want to be taken care of honestly, want to be loved in my love language. Doesn’t call when he is with friends but I do when I am out, he’ll call when he’s alone at home. Stuff like this makes me question.