I am 22 working as a lab technician in academia. The pay is shit, but I get free classes at a very prestigious institution, free mentorship, tutoring and publications. I am not tall, but I have very sharp facial features and can be described as Eastern European mixed with Asian looking. I have no student loans or debt, refuse to open credit cards and am very frugal with my money when it comes to buying things for myself (yes I am actively refusing to buy a car) so I get to spend less than 2000 dollars per month and get to save up a lot in preparation for PhD and then medical school. I am also not a US citizen and have a thick Russian accent(I am from Central Asia). The only thing I care about is reproductive health, OBGYN kind of stuff, nothing else really interests me right now and I dont think will to be honest, I just want to study uteruses and placentas my whole life. This obsession is to the point where I forget to eat, sleep, go home after work and I guess you understand that I am more autistically obsessed than nerdy about my work.
I met an amazing girl(22M) a couple of months ago, she seems to really like me because I am 'levelheaded'. We hit it off ok, but I still do not really understand why all of these women I was with dated me. I have really bad idea of self and I do not think of myself as particularly interesting, smart, kind, understanding, etc. In fact sometimes I think that I am a very gross person. In the past, I walked out on partners crying in front of me, said that some people are just not etched out for school and must drop out of college when they struggled with organic chemistry and I had to tutor them and have done similar things in the past. I have never cheated or crossed boundaries which according to a lot of people would put me a head above some men which is a + I think, but overall I think of myself as pretty emotionally open, but unavailable and demanding in terms of academic rigor.
I am not exactly sure why people want to date me and I do not understand them. I attribute this to a chance alone, but I think I need logical explanation to why some women chose me over a more attractive, successful and socially adept person. Can someone please provide some insight?
Best,
-A