I(18F) matched with a girl(18TF) on a dating app a little over a month ago. On both our profiles we had "looking for casual relationship, open to serious." Our conversations have been deep and exciting, and obviously, I think she's really cool! We went on a date and ended up going back to her dorm and having sex(which she initiated.)
It was… different than I'm used to? She's really affectionate, gives praise, holds eye contact, and actually provides aftercare, which I am just not used to, especially outside of an established relationship. I left pretty quickly after we finished but it was a nice experience that had me feeling pretty giddy all week. That was two weeks ago.
This weekend we hung out, and that ended up happening AGAIN. After, we cuddled and watched a movie. She kept playing with my hair and kissing my forehead and even let me wear her shirt for a couple of hours. It all felt really intimate, like I've never experienced anything close to it outside of a long term relationship. Emotionally, I feel all messed up, though. First of all, obviously, I've been kind of slut-shaming myself for doing that on the first AND second date when we aren't together. Plus I have visible hickeys on my neck that I have to cover up every morning…
What's most confusing is that we only really talk every other day. Genuinely, We'll talk on a Monday, a Wednesday, a Friday, but never a Wednesday and then a Thursday, and so on. We initiate conversations pretty equally, but I'm not used to talking so infrequently with someone I've been so intimate with, I guess? My biggest fear is that she sees me as friends with benefits or a hookup, which is something I'm super not into because of past experiences, and I had on my profile that I wanted a relationship. I know I should probably just talk to her, but I am terrified of pushing her away, and I feel like she's been less interested this week. I initiated our conversation yesterday, even though she always wakes up earlier than me, which is seriously messing with my head.
I''m just trying (unsuccessfully, I guess) not to think about it and spiral. I've already lost sleep over it(but I'm a lifelong insomnia so that's not out of the ordinary.) I'm not sure if it's just too early to be thinking about more, like maybe I sound neurotic and obsessed. How tf do I figure out what she actually wants without seeming immature or needy?? Does it sound like she's using me? How long are you supposed to wait before discussing a relationship?..