For a bit of context, me and my bf have been together since highschool, 7 years to be exact. I can say our relationship is something i’ve cherished from day 1, which resulted in me basically being blind to everything he did/does because i feel like he’s my soulmate.. we have never cheated on each other but our issues were always emotional battles or arguments because he talks to me like he’s my Dad or my Owner lol.
we broke things off in 2021 because i wanted to move out of my moms house & live alone; he wanted me to move with him and do 50/50 but i put my foot down that time & did what was best for me..came back together in 2022 and i immediately got pregnant so i left my apartment high and dry to move somewhere together with him..
fast forward to now, we have a 2 year old & everything has been good until a year ago, 2024 when he messaged one of my family members – my close and only aunt, asking about videos of her private parts. sure enough, i found out & completely got brainwashed as he told me he didnt feel like himself when he did it & that the devil got the best of him… yea
few days after, i just didnt feel right. i felt betrayed & that i couldn’t trust him & he literally told me “ if you cant trust me then you dont need to be sleeping at (our address)” im like wow, you ruined the trust & now i feel like the bad guy. of course i swallowed my sadness & moved on bc i work from home, have a child here and i cant just move away like that.
fast forward to present time, we had a small issue regarding me coming back from a vacation with a small cold. we both knew he would get sick but when he did boy was i the worse person in the world, he basically told me to fuck off bc he was sick and i was better which i was just trying to be a mother/girlfriend and nurture him back to his best. which was a slap in the damn face. we didnt speak a couple days after that and i had time to think on it.. i would rather be alone then feeling sad then getting treated like the problem.
after 3 days of silence in our home, i completely lost it after one day of him being locked in the bedroom all day and not coming out ONCE to help me with our son. we argued and he told me he didnt help because i was acting like a clown…? so one morning i texted him while he we were both working and said i want to move out before the year is over. he then texted back saying oh i love you, please dont leave me, i need you. rushed back home mid shift, turned off the circuit box so i couldnt do my work at home . started literally bawling crying which i have never seen in the 7 years of us dating..called his mom over and she tries to sit down telling me how he is a good man, good dad and provides for us. mind you, we are 50/50, i stay home all day and night working and caring for an autistic child while he lives his best life and comes home to play video games all day.
he then tells her all kinds of stuff like why my name isnt on the lease- saying i had no job when i have always had a job. told her my credit is messed up which this is only bc i left my apartment for him and our kid. meanwhile he is the golden child hiding all his dirt from her. so after about 45 minutes of listening to him yell and her tell me how much of a God he is i just got up and left, walked around the complex for a bit to get my mind right.
We did make amends that night but i cant help but think everyday how im so unhappy, trapped in this house all day and not really anything to myself, for myself. i really just want to get my own place, work a job i want to work, not one that i work to make sure everyone around me is happy, and just do my own thing. i dont want to keep him from his kid or anything but i want to be happy.. i have nothing here and threatened to be kicked out is something i never want to experience again.
im not sure how to go about this, i do still have so much love for him but i want to be alone.