Tried posting on r/vent but karmas a bitch
I (M22) met my boyfriend (M33) when I was 19. His grindr said he was 27, and he kept up that lie until a few months in, when he got a new license. I caught him thirsting over people on snapchat, messaging and begging them to suck him off. Desperately.
I forgave him everytime. Relationship continued, 1 year in and I move in with him.
I am autistic and don't work, I pay my half through my benefits, which he rarely pays towards as we live in a house his mother owns. (She lives abroad). He also claims benefits by lying saying he can't get a job, even though he works for cash in hand.
We've been together over 3 years now and we're so different, all he talks about is politics, religion, conspiracy theories – all things I frankly couldnt give a fuck about anymore. He makes me feel small and dumb, trying to get me to debate these topics with him.
We don't have anything in common. He and his mum said when I moved in, we could decorate however we'd like but everytime I brought up an idea with him, he shoots it down.
He complains about having no money, despite earning more than me, rarely paying his half for the house, and the only reason he's constantly broke is because he won't stop buying things for himself. He's constantly window shopping and has no impulse control when it comes to purchases.
We're barely intimate and when we are the focus is all on him.
He's picky and won't buy cheap food, it has to be branded, same with clothes and practically everything he buys. I hate going food shopping with him.
He uses so much fucking toilet paper. He's gotta be eating it because he can use a whole roll for one shit. He went to wipe the toilet seat (which he never picks up) and literally pulled like 15 squares of TP just wipe the seat.
The other day his mum, while on facetime – drunk off her face, grilled me about getting a job, set up some supposed deadline of Dec 1st.
I'm genuinely terrified of getting a job, for all the obvious reasons, but mainly because then I'll be stuck here. I feel like I have some sort of safety net right now of "I have nothing concrete here so I can just easily pack up, leave and nothing can hold me back".
But even though I say I could easily pack and leave, I can't. My room at my mum's has been rented out to a lodger, I don't drive so I can't just leave whenever; I'd have to plan it all with my older brother, who's barely reliable.
I have tried to leave him, told him I want to break up several times but everytime he clings to me, crying, claiming he cant live without me and every fucking time I cave in and stay. I hate him. I hate him so much and I hate myself for getting into this situation. I'm pathetic for not being a normal fucking adult.
This is a vent but a questions required for this sub so : How could I go about leaving him that won't give him an opportunity to manipulate me into staying?