TLDR;
Me F 30 and my fiancé 38M have been together 2 years and our wedding is coming up in February. I have worked the last 8 years as a paralegal and breeched burn out about a year ago. I have tried finding enjoyment in the smallest of things (my colleagues, hobbies, friends, family, etc. but for the last 4-5 months every day has felt like a battle that I never win. My fiancé is very successful and graciously handles the vast majority of our bills and most importantly, he really enjoys his job. I have brought to his attention on multiple occasions that I truly feel I am not cut out for my line of work anymore and I want to be the homemaker. More than anything, I love cooking and cleaning / tidying, handling errands, etc. I have also expressed that I would still be open to earning some of my own income through interests such as personal training and flipping furniture so he is not solely responsible for every single expense. But any time I bring up how unhappy I am, he gives me a very generic “you’ll get through it” or “it’ll get better” response. Recently, I was sitting in a meeting at work and I had overwhelming intrusive thoughts of self harm and the most peaceful confirmation: not existing at all would be better than another day of enduring this. These thoughts scared me. My fiancé is an incredible, kind, hard working person and he has always made me feel like his most important priority but I can not figure out why my request to stay home seems to fall on deaf ears every time. Is the answer simply “no” and he just doesn’t want to say it?