I always see people saying “they were so nice in the beginning” or “they never used to treat me like this” and I’m afraid of ending up as that person because I don’t want that to happen if I were in a relationship.

I don’t know if this is an irrational fear or something but it’s something I’ve always thought about, is it ego? What causes people to change so negatively in relationships?


10 comments

  2. Means you’re probably a good partner. If you constantly at least worry a bit about being a good partner even in the future, you’re doing fine. People that become terrible with time, never care or think about shit like that. Trust me I was an asshole in multiple relationships and changed for the better.

  3. Did those people really, truly change?

    Or did they stop pretending to be someone/something they were not?

    More often than not, when I see that kind of thing? It’s usually someone who is pretending to be someone they weren’t, and the facade is finally slipping. Or they’ve taken advantage of the other person as much as they can, and it’s time to move on. Because a good person, is going to act like a good person, and a kind person is going to act like a kind person. Unless provoked, those people aren’t exactly going to clear out your retirement accounts.

  4. the difference between you and a bad partner is that I am assuming if someone brings up issues to you and communicates, you will make an active effort to change it. the reason people complain about these behaviors from bad partners is because they communicate and they brush it off or get defensive or just end the relationship entirely

  5. usually, people try to “pitch” themselves as the best version of who they are at the beginning. that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a fake version, they just might not always be consistent with it later on

    as we get closer or more intimate with someone, we naturally reveal more parts of ourselves, and it’s important to see whether most of those parts go in the same direction

    i think the thoughts you have are normal to some extent, but you might also be experiencing a bit of impostor syndrome or a lack of confidence in who you are

  6. I’m not afraid cause I know I’m not a bad person. I am however worried about finding someone who puts on a facade and I fall for the facade (cough my ex) then the facade falls and they’re just a loser. I don’t wanna waste my life on someone like that, especially if things like kids and marriage come into it.

  7. I don’t think you’re alone. I personally am terrified of becoming a bad partner. It’s a constant war of ‘ I hope I’m not crossing any boundaries by doing this ‘ ,’ I hope I’m not too much/too little ‘ and ‘ omg did I hurt you ‘.

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