I'm a woman in my late 30s that is currently interested in (potentially dating) a man same age with mine, whom I met through online dating and haven't met in person due to being in different countries. We plan to meet up in the next couple of months.
I'm not childfree (open to have children) but I don't have any kid yet, and this man has a young kid and his ex abandoned both of them.
Usually I don't want to date anyone with kid but this person feels more special for me. He also told me that I don't have to take care of his kid if I don't want to.
However, it still feels strange to me to date someone with kids. I do feel like I have to date and try to "earn" love from two people, instead of one. And it feels like I have to "compete" with his kid for love & attention. And every decision he would need to make based on his kid first, not based on me or us first.
I feel like I'm still on the way finding my "first" love, find someone who would be the "best" thing that happened in my life, then I'd have children with that person, while he already have that.
Though if I'd be with him, I'd try my hardest to consider his kid as mine, it still somehow feels difficult. As I'd always thought about meeting the love of my life first, then I'd have kids with him.
Earlier he said about we could have "another kid", and in my mind I was thinking "that is another kid for him, but it would be the first (bio) kid for me"
Otherwise he's great: kind, sweet, smart, responsible and we're clearly attracted to each other, and feel that we could (certainly) be each other's person. He/we already talked a lot about plans about the future as well as stories of the past, video call almost everyday, and I feel that he's (crystal) clear to me.
I know that it's my own selfishness that I need to overcome, because he's a total package otherwise, but I'd like to ask if anyone has similar stories or situation that you have overcome and could give me some insights into this situation?
Should I tell him I'm not yet completely comfortable that he has a kid yet, and he should keep his options open? He just clearly shows deep interest and tell me that just because he already has a kid, doesn't mean we couldn't have other great experience together, which is true, but I still feel some uncomfortable.
Thanks for your feedback!