My partner and I have been together for almost four years, and from the very beginning, our finances have been in constant disarray. A month after we started dating, I was evicted from my apartment—through no fault of my own—and ended up moving in with him and his mother far sooner than I ever expected. I found a job quickly and originally planned to get my own place, but his mother begged me to stay so that he and I could save for a home together. That never happened. Instead, we stayed with her for three years, contributing what little money we made toward rent and household expenses.
During those years, my partner struggled to find steady work. We took turns supporting each other financially, and sometimes neither of us had a job, which created stress, resentment, and two almost-breakups on my end. Despite everything, I stayed because I loved him, and over time our lives became even more intertwined—we shared a car, a dog, and all our finances.
We eventually got our own place, and we’re approaching one year there. Unfortunately, nothing changed. He worked for a few months before being laid off, and for most of the year I was the sole provider, paying for everything. It was the most financial pressure I had ever experienced, and I resented him deeply because he wasn’t applying himself or looking for work. I couldn’t go out with friends or enjoy life because we simply couldn’t afford it. Still, I tried to let go of that resentment and focus on the potential I believed our relationship had.
A week ago, we had a long conversation about our sex life that somehow shifted into a discussion about his on-and-off traveling job. From there, it shifted again—this time to a girl in his friend group he once had a crush on, which was news to me. Around that time, I had done a tarot reading suggesting he had emotionally cheated while on the road. I brushed it off, but ended up looking through his phone, something I never do. I found nothing, so I told him about the reading. That’s when he confessed.
He said that while he was away “missing me,” he grew very close to a coworker who reminded him of me. He admitted that he gave her “girlfriend treatment,” bringing her things and treating her differently from the others. He even fantasized about slipping her a note asking her on a date that would end with a kiss. He also admitted that one night while touching himself, she “popped” into his mind. I was shocked and confused. I told him I needed space.
A day later, he told me he’d quit the job entirely and leave the group chat she was in if that would make me feel secure. I told him that was fine—don’t go back to the job, and leave the group chat. But days passed, and he still hadn’t left it. Then I overheard him telling his mom that he was planning to return to the job. When I confronted him, he claimed he just didn’t want to “get into logistics” with her and said we still needed to “talk about it,” even though I had already given him my answer.
Our financial situation is getting worse again, and I keep hoping he’ll turn back into the person I thought I met years ago. But at this point, I honestly don’t know anymore.
TL;DR: Been with my partner almost 4 years, and our whole relationship has been financial struggle after struggle. I’ve carried us for most of it while he barely worked. Recently he admitted he got emotionally close to a coworker, treated her like a girlfriend, fantasized about her, and even thought of her while touching himself. He promised to quit the job and leave the group chat she’s in but hasn’t done either. Money is getting worse, trust is shaky, and I’m questioning if this relationship can keep going.