This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Met someone last week and we have a date planned for this week. It’s so much easier to be nonchalant and not anxious about things when I’ve been beaten into the ground by dating this year. I’ve told a couple friends about him and they’re more excited than I am. Not because I’m not interested in him, but because I just can’t let my heart get ahead of things again.
What do you expect a month in? 8 dates-ish? Milestones, emotions, shared feelings?
y’all, please stop doing this! I’m so tired of connecting with guys on dating apps, and just when I think everything is going smoothly, they start complaining about dating apps and dating app culture. like, hello? I’m here and I’m engaging and replying, why are you complaining to me about it? go talk to your bros about it. like I’m sorry you got ghosted by some other chick, but why are you venting to me, someone who is actually interested and not ghosting, about it? just such bad energy and weird behavior. it instantly makes me think you’re not really interested in me and just using me as a sounding board. such a turn off.
Rematched and met someone pretty great in September, we had matched last winter, but I got off the apps. We had a first date end of September and saw each other a few more times at the end of October/early November (He works a very cool blue collar job that takes him away a month at a time). We both kinda flubbed the 2nd and 3rd dates but im really looking forward to seeing him again when he’s back in town soon.
It’s just getting harder and harder to still believe there might be someone out there who could accept me the way I am. I’m flawed and weird, contradictory at times. Some others in my vicinity were lucky enough to find someone who could accept them the way they are, but those people are very, very very rare…
Was seeing a guy for a few weeks who made it clear he was super into me and looking for something serious. During a relevant conversation I asked if he thinks he makes a good boyfriend and his tone switched up so fast it was an immediate red flag. Told me it was an inappropriate question that he wouldn’t be answering even if he knew how to answer it. I went home and sent him a text saying I don’t see this working…
Honestly it just felt so bizarre
I started playing volleyball at the beginning of the summer with my good friend and we made a team full of free agents. We all ended up getting along so well that we’ve become a solid team going into our 5th season and are starting to hang outside of volleyball too:)
one of the girls suggested the other ladies check out a speed dating event she was interested in and I’d been sorta interested in trying that out but didn’t know who to ask to do it with me! Honestly I’m more excited about having a group of other single gal friends to do this stuff with than even matching with someone there
Sometimes I wonder if dating is actually worth it… I’m older now I know what I want so I’m very picky and sometimes I think I might actually be better off solo…
Got approached by a guy at my weekly workout class and we have plans for this weekend. I’m cautiously intrigued. I haven’t quite pegged his personality yet, but he’s somewhere between “slightly offbeat, very subtle and dry humor” and “actually just kinda weird and socially awkward”. We’ll see how it goes lol.
I’ve been in therapy for a few months since my bad relationship that ended back in May. One thing my therapist and I have discussed is my insecurity with needing to be “chosen”, and how wanting to be someone’s (anyone’s!) partner led to me staying in a bad relationship far past its expiration date. When this guy at the workout started chatting to me, in my head I felt like “Oh wow, this never happens to me!!” But you know what? That’s really not true. Just prior to my last relationship, a coworker asked me out and we had a thing for about two months. Then I met my ex organically. Since we broke up, I had two guys dance with me while out at a bar with friends, another night a guy bought me a drink and asked for my number, I had a guy approach me at Target, and now this. I may not be as hot as some of my friends who get hit up every time they open their front door but I DO get attention. Regardless of however things go with workout guy, I want to focus on this fact and combat my insecurity that I’m not good enough and need to cling to whatever I can get. Because evidence says I can get a lot, and it’s my turn to be the chooser!
I feel like I’m finally starting to turn a corner in healing from my bad breakup back in September. It’s been 10 weeks. I still miss my ex even though he really broke my heart. But at least I am not crying every day anymore. I don’t want to live where I currently live but I’m not able to just pick up and move anywhere else without having a job before I land. I can’t find any jobs in my field in any areas I’m interested in, though, so I feel kinda stuck.
At least I love my job.
I’m now realizing I’ll have to face my family on Thanksgiving as a single person. They’ll have questions and will feel bad for me, and I am just mentally preparing for that and what I’ll say.
I just really can’t believe that I have to get through another holiday season alone. This will be the 5th year. 😭
I dunno why but I was feeling down on myself when I had my period so I thought maybe the man that I’m dating exclusively wouldn’t want to spend time with me while I’m still on the rags. He came over to my place yesterday after work, even though we spent the whole of last weekend together, just to watch the show we had been watching and ate dinner with me. I told him how I felt and he said, “If a person doesn’t want to spend time with you when you’re on your period then they’re not really a good person.”
I just said, “Yeah…” I don’t know. Maybe I had dated some awful people in the past that I somehow feel conditioned to be a people pleaser. Like I know I can be moody and emotional when I’m on my period and I don’t want to be Debbie downer being around others. I was doing my best to keep things as calm as possible in spite of my emotions being all over the place the last couple of weeks due to personal issues. I told him I didn’t want to trauma dump, or ugly cry. I know I have issues with being vulnerable or letting my guard down. It’s like I’m trying to hide at times. I do my best to express myself but I feel like being older, I have learned to be more secretive and calculated about my inner thoughts instead of just being filterless. It is a far cry from who I was in my 20s. I learned how people could use my vulnerability as a weapon to hurt me like my ex did. I know I have to get over that but it’s not an instant process to just get over this.
I need new clothes. Fuck me I hate being a tall girl sometimes.
I think most of the reason I don’t feel like myself is because I ripped a hole with my heel through one of my favorite dresses. Unfixable and shredded. I haven’t found a replacement for it. It was my pick-me up dress that made me feel confident.
I also miss my boots and haven’t found a replacement pair, I practically lived in them for a decade. Now that I think about it, I also can’t find my favorite style of bra anywhere either. Or a dupe for my favorite discontinued lip balm. Or a new hairbrush. Goodness I’m a mess. Usually I’m very good at shopping and finding replacements but most of these things I’m just very particular about and nothing is exactly right.
I had someone I’d been dating for a few months break things off last week, and it hurt like hell at the time. Since then we talked more and things are good and friendly, and I realized (with help from a friend and my therapist) that I need to press pause on dating for a good while.
My work team is organizing a little get together holiday event and I was filling out a sheet they put up where we note if we’re going and…if we have a plus one. I was fully planning to ask this person if they’d be my plus one and I just had this rush of awful feeling.
It’s best for me to not date but to do this during cuffing season…OUCH.
When I rejoin the apps my friend thinks I should try and lean into/show more of my artsy side (photography, dance, learning piano, hopefully learning a little digital art, etc..).
I feel like my libido has skyrocketed in my late 30s and I dont know what to do about it. I’m not into casual hookups, I find that I do need an emotional connection to even feel safe having sex with someone. I have plenty of toys but they’re just not the SAME.
When I was married, I thought I was asexual because I never wanted to have sex with my ex but now I know it was because he never helped around the house or even wanted to spend time with me (he was a workaholic).
I had a brief situationship this past summer and I felt like I could not get enough of him. It was a combination of finally feeling emotionally safe and seen, and being so damn attracted to him.
How do some people stick to their routines so much for so long that they genuinely don’t have anything to talk about? Like their lives are that stable, so nothing ever happens. And they have no desire to change that.
I’ve been on dates with 3 of these people recently. I don’t mean to be rude or anything, and I’m glad they’re happy with their lives, but I can’t help thinking that they’re literally living like the NPCs in video games.
Anyone else sick of the advice “stop looking and love will find you” from family members?
Yeah because not looking worked out so well for me in highschool and college lol…
How do I bring up communication issues/the “where do you see this going” chat?
Currently feeling a bit lost. Things were going well with this current girl. Dating for 3 months. I’ve met her sister. She tells me her friends think I’m a green flag. We’ve only had sex 4 times and I’ve stayed over twice and to put it in to context she lives a 4 minute walk away.
She makes little effort for me and it’s only getting less. We weren’t meant to see each other last weekend as she had plans. Then Friday she was suddenly available and didn’t suggest meeting which I found a bit poor. You’d think at this stage if you get an opportunity to see the person you’re dating when you wasn’t meant to you’d capitalise on it instead of sitting at home alone. This week her texting has been awful, like 1-2 texts a day and it’s all about her.
I’ve bought her her fave bar of chocolate I remember her saying she liked when she told me she had a busy day at work. She moved in to a new house recently and I got her a card and gift (which she hasn’t displayed – but maybe that’s in case her parents query who I am), I’ve dropped her to work when she had car trouble recently. I make all the plans. And she’s not done anything to reciprocate.
I like her as a person and we get on well, and her text content suggests she’s interested and we’ve discussed the apps and both deleted them but she just seems oblivious to all this, and thinks I’m a chill guy. Yet I’m anxious as hell over it all
How do I bring it up?
TLDR – girl fading and not making any effort to see me, but does show interest in text and in person when we meet. How do I communicate how I feel and where she sees things going as I’m feeling a bit on the sidelines atm.
After a string of awful first dates that left me really questioning my self-worth, I had two good ones over the weekend. Conversations that didn’t feel like a job interview, clear signals of interest, both of them kissed me at the end…
Followed up with both and it’s looking like neither wants a second date. At least I know that I’m not completely undeserving of affection. So it goes…
Mostly a rant, enjoy:
5 dates in. I like a lot about him, but the smidge of attraction I had is dying – he’s friendzoning himself. Texts regularly, wants more dates, yet no romantic/physical escalation. My flirting and touches go unreciprocated; I leaned into him and he scooted away to give me space lol. Only hugs, no kiss. He’s too polite/reserved/clueless.
I’ve been the one initiating (I moved us from pen pals to a date), and he steps up, but I’m getting tired of trying to build momentum. The internet is rife with complaints about cluelessness, and the advice boils down to “teach him” or “walk away if the chemistry isn’t there.” I don’t want to walk away, so how do you teach? Do I just invite myself over to his place with a bottle of wine?
Bonus intrusive thought: he reminds me of my 20-year best friend, another great guy who’s perpetually single because he has no idea what to do with women. My brain keeps whispering, “Why bother with a guy I met 2 months ago when there’s an equally clueless potential partner I’ve known forever?” Aargh
BF’s “not checking out other women even when someone’s ass is right in my face” game has been so strong since day one that i’ve even commented on it and he said that he just doesn’t want to offend anyone so that’s how he’s always been.
well… a few nights ago we were returning home after a few drinks at the bar and he was particularly wasted (not typical for him at all). a girl with a micro mini was climbing the stairs right in front of us and finally this time the BF was looking! i couldn’t even believe it myself and first thought it was hilarious but then got kind of pissed off. also, there is a 10% chance he was just staring ahead drunkenly but that was not my impression.
anyway, now i’m still feeling kind of pissed off if i really think about it but i’m not even sure why? or that i’m really even pissed if that makes sense? maybe more perturbed as to how he may be drunk and on his own down the line? or maybe there is a more pervy side he hides but doesn’t everyone? and isn’t that the point of just behaving appropriately in polite society?
wondering if i should bring it up or just see how he is moving forward? and it also made me think of this thing he said when we were talking about a guy that makes him feel jealous in regards to me – he said it’s also kind of hot. so was he doing that in front of me to turn me on? because he’s seen women hit on me and check me out which we both agreed was kind of hot and that i do appreciate beautiful women etc
but i also don’t want to talk about it because it seems like a lot of shit to discuss that i’m not even that interested in.
I said this in the previous thread but restating here.
Speed dating last night was a dud. 16 men vs 13 women. And non of the women I found were my type nor very attractive TO ME. It sucks because I had good luck at the same event in September. Seems to be very dependent on who signs up.
The plus side is that no one from the September one was at this one. Tells me there will be more opportunities in the future.
So Film Buff (37 M) has continued to text me every second day. Still no second date planned. It’s starting to turn me off. I’m all for slow dating and all that, but set a date! He agreed to plan a second date at the end of the first date … it’s been almost two weeks since our first date. I’ve been with guys like this before who prefer to text but find it hard to plan or initiate … even with clear communication. It’s making me start to wonder if I want to see him again.
Still no further contact from Spanish Ex (40 M) since he broke 10 months of no contact late last week. I’m not going to close the gap between us, as he is the one who wasn’t ready when we dated last year. I’ve been thinking of him far more than I care for. All of those old feelings have come rushing back hard. I still very much care for him, but I’m not going to take any action on my feelings if he isn’t ready for something new after his separation (he is 18 months separated from the mother of his 3 young kids that he was with for 12 years).
No further chat over text with Journalist (39 M) but I’m not worried as we have a date set already.
A friend’s daughter (30’s) has offered to set me up with a divorced dad of one daughter (44 M) that she knows through work. I’ve agreed as I’m not committed to anyone yet and getting tired of swiping this close to Christmas.
Me (F31) and my partner-of-5-months (M30) have decided to celebrate Christmas together – without our parents/family. We are so excited! Yet, everyone we tell (not our parents!), is super confused. Has no one ever done this … spent Christmas without their parents?
Chronicles of a new online dater after not dating at all for 10+ years: this week’s lesson is detaching.
This is ofc difficult for someone who is both a recovering people pleaser and has a very active imagination.
Learning to let go and let it all go to the universe …
Also I’m trying to not compare to others, but the whole process is slow, which has me feeling like I could breathe but also quietness can make me feel uneasy and the imagination starts going wild. But- detaching …
Wishing you all the best, lovely little Reddit people 💞
Today I learned “intermittent reinforcement”; basically, it is psychological concept in operant conditioning where a behavior is rewarded only sometimes, rather than every time it occurs. Like, you gotta remember and treasure your ex has initiated to call you 3 times a year rather than a guy you are currently seeing calls you every day. Interesting.
All, I am sorry to report my no-contact/mutual pause is back to day zero after holding out for 19 full days. But! I have learned a lot about myself in this time. And breaking it is what was healthy for *me.* As time went on, I realized I didn’t need to reflect anymore. And that actually reflecting was driving me INSANE. My hope is my extremely neutral, short message will open the door to the conversation that was left open ended for ‘reflection’ on both sides. And that will give me closure and I can move forward regardless of what happens.
OR! I have accepted if he doesn’t respond, that’s closure as well. I will NOT double text. As anxious as I am I’ve never been a double text girly. But now I can tell myself I know he isn’t holding back on reaching out because he thinks I don’t want to hear from him since I opened the door. And that’s given me relief, not anxiety like I would have expected post-sending the message. I think this will lead to clarity for me on a quicker schedule one way or the other.
All this to say… DO NOT BREAK YOUR NO CONTACT. IT WILL PROBABLY NOT HELP YOU. I *REALLY* deliberated for these days on what’s best for me **long term.** I will still be wanting to hear about your no contact progress and will make posts 🙂 And… I’ll probably be back with another no contact journey eventually lol
Do you ever get hit with these moments of “how the hell did I get here. One day I was in my early 20s, and now I’m in my mid 30s”
Like I went asleep and a decade passed. Shit is scary, man. Why does time always have to move forward!?!? It’s not fair!
Is getting married within a year of knowing one another insane?
My partner (34M) and I (31F) met a bit over six months ago, and have kind of decided to get married so that we can continue our relationship when both of our postings in this country come to an end. The other alternative would be to break up (nope) or to navigate a very long distance relationship filled with visa issues, which would most likely require us to get married anyway if we ever wanted to ‘close the gap’. There are also countless of other benefits to marriage for us, including a pay rise for him, me getting into his excellent health insurance, and an automatic right for me to move with him wherever he is posted.
We both feel a bit weird that all these external factors are essentially pushing us to get legally married asap, even though we both very much intend to stay together till death do us part. If we didn’t have to, we just wouldn’t have brought the legal system into it.
I moved in the day we met – meaning we’ve been living together for over six months now – and we’ve traveled a lot together and he’s met my family, who all like him. My mum is very supportive of our likely fast marriage.
Anything I should consider before making this big life decision? We already agreed to do a prenup as per my request (reasoning being that we’d have a prenup anyway, so we might as well decide what to put in it ourselves).
When I didn’t answer for 6 days he checked to make sure I was ok.
7 days now since I replied and it’s so hard not to ask him for a sign of life. But I said I didn’t want to pressure him to answer me if he doesn’t want to. So I have to respect what I’m trying to do.
I’m not perfect and I made mistakes with him. But I think I also did the best I ever have at treating someone right, and I’m too stubborn to stop now.
genuinely feeling despair about ever finding a relationship. I don’t even know where to look for any kind of reassurance. I’m increasingly convinced it is just a lost cause for me
I (mildly) confronted inconsistent dude about the weird text he last sent me. No response. It feels better than agonizing over *what did he mean* but a part of me is like. I’m confrontational, people dislike me, I can’t tolerate dudes being weird, why am I even attracted to such people, I’m never ever ever going to be loved
‘what are your needs? i want to see if i can meet them’
wtf. i know that i’m a cynical person but i also find this annoying. i am finding most matches horrible. the conversation. the topics. the profiles.
Childfree weekend this weekend! (I’m a single mom with 100% custody so this doesn’t happen often).
Can’t decide if I want to spend the weekend inside doing nothing or find a date. All my friends are busy per usual. Considering going inline skating by myself too.
I kinda am wanting to let loose but I also want to finish the book I’ve been reading. Why can’t my weekends be twice as long lol