I m31 started dating f33 about 4 or 5 months ago. I am a very active person. I work in recreation and i am a personal trainer that specializes in training athletes. Its always been clear that healthy habits and self control are important to me. I'm not some meat head. Just having a healthy and active lifestyle is whats important to me. Sleep good, eat good, move good.
My girlfriend was working out a couple times a week when we met and since we've started dating she's consistently lowered her frequency of not just working out but doing anything active. She bemoans working out with me. She wont play pickleball or volleyball or soccer with me at all… im not lording over her or anything. These are all things i enjoy doing on my own. I always invite her as a way to spend quality time together and she always declines.
When we started dating i found out that she is a heavy weed smoker. She uses a gravity bong and smokes all day long. She works from home too so theres nothing stopping her. I was worried about this immediately but she actually went cold turkey sober for like a month on everything and i was impressed. I like weed myself and have a lifelong struggle of balancing weed use in my life. As much as i like weed i feel my life is better sober.
When she started using again it quickly went from moderate back to heavy use and i feel like i got sucked into it as well. Every single person around her is a heavy weed user as well. I should have spoken up sooner but ive started to see the results of myself cozying up to her lifestyle. Ive gained about 15 lbs and dont like how i look. I feel stupider and groggy because im smoking regularly with her.
I was hoping she was going to be inspired by my good habits but it feels more like we're feeding into each others bad habits.
My concern with her activity level has nothing to do with how she looks. I would just feel a lot more connected if we shared the same passions. I also think she has a shopping addiction and really poor financial management. She makes nearly 6 figures and lives pay check to paycheck. I make 30k less than her and have no issues with savings. Its really concerning and i dont know how to bring up my concerns bbecauseim essentially just seeing someone let themselves go and theyre resisting my efforts to help them get on track…
Im getting some ptsd because she is becoming like the female version of my best friend growing up. I tried for a decade to get him motivated while depression crippled him and he wouldnt do anything to help himself besides smoke nonstop all day much like my girlfriend… i lashed out at him one day out of frustration and he hasnt spoken to me since. That was 6 years ago and still hasnt spoken to me despite apologizing and reaching out more than a dozen times