This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Haven’t gone on date yet we’ve only been chatting via texts.. he sent me a voice note and immediately got the ick 🤦🏼♀️
I had posted about how my brother is going out of town and not wanting to make plans with my mom on Thanksgiving. My dad’s side of the family will usually do something last minute. My mom had made plans with an uncle who I don’t really want to spend time with on Thanksgiving. When my mom and uncle get together, they talk about depressing topics and things that happened 20 years ago.
Obviously I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and now I’m thinking that I don’t want to spend time with any family on the holiday. It’s hard when you’re single and parents are divorced. I kind of just don’t want to deal with either of them at all. If I really want to see my dad’s family I will because that’s more like a party and not personal time with any one person. But otherwise I’d prefer to spend the day alone. It makes me feel like at 37 I should have a partner to spend the holiday with.
I actually don’t think I want to spend Christmas with them either. I felt a lot better when I realized that maybe I do not want to spend holidays with family at all. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them, it’s just a hard day and I don’t like the negativity around it trying to plan with them. My grandma died this year too, so it’s hard.
So, I got a drunken text from a male friend at 8pm last night confessing his feelings for me. Honestly, I’m just annoyed. I thought we settled the matter that these feelings weren’t returned 2 years ago and moved on. The follow up conversation about not driving drunk annoyed me even more. Also, who on earth gets drunk at 8pm?!?! I’m thinking I probably can’t continue this friendship since I don’t want have to go through this conversation again…
My official opinion is drunken text messages confessing feelings are not cute or romantic—they’re pathetic! We’re adults in our 30s, not teenagers at a frat party.
So, the whole Hinge reset.
Last night I finally felt like looking through profiles, a bit over 24 hours from when I did the reset. At the start, it said 50+. I went through 47 profiles (none matched with) and then had 38 left. So 85 likes in 24 hours and change.
BUT – a number were familiar faces I’d already declined (and none that I later regretted a la dude I saw out in the wild last week). And ick of icks –
Last winter I’d matched with a dude on Bumble (I posted about it here). Ticked a lot of my boxes, no egregious red flags. Conversation was nice. He was respectful. Didn’t balk when I declined giving out number before meeting. He tried to ask me out, more than once, and *something* was holding me back. At the time I just thought my anxiety was rearing its ugly head.
But then by chance I learned of a website from reddit that shows court records. To find out he had/has an active restraining order. Scary. And I know some people here hate *those* fb groups. But I posted him to a couple local ones, and while there were coworkers or whatever who had good things to say about him, the vast majority of commenters were saying he’d been possessive and rude and get downright nasty if they declined his advances. Multiple women. One even said she was scared to share her experience because he’d stalked her. Based on the fact that a woman had to take a restraining order out on him, I was inclined to believe the bad apple comments.
Guess who showed up in Hinge likes. With a message saying welcome back to old and he hopes we can get to know each other this time. Hoark.
So yeah, so far the reset is working but also not.
Part of the advice for “maybe you should try to settle down in your twenties” should include “in 10 years you’re gonna be dealing with your own chronic health condition, your dog is gonna be old and struggling and your parents are gonna be old and sick, so maybe it would be nice to have a partner”
I’m finding no problem going on dates, it just seems impossible to go on dates with the right person.
I’m someone who rarely ever meets someone I’m interested in romantically. Earlier this summer I developed a crush on someone for the first time in a looooooooong time, wasn’t able to properly ask them out, so I’ll never fully know if the feelings were mutual.
I’m curious if others share this experience and have any tips on how to get out there and find more potential romantic connections?
edit: I don’t do dating apps anymore
edit 2: I just don’t often find myself in places where I’d meet people I’d potentially be BOTH interested in AND attracted to
Yesterday I posted that I was tired of dating. Today I went on a great first date. The whiplash is real. Still leaning towards a break. I think this time of year it’s so hard for me to date (for lots of reasons) but I’d rather be holed up in my house reading than being out with people
Not a dating thing, but one of my favorite museums in my city (I’m even a member) is have a young professionals event I’m going to Friday. So looking forward to that.
Half marathon 4 of 4 for the year next weekend along with my Dance showcase, too. Not sure I’ve trained enough to break my 1:45 PR though. Going to be a nice, busy weekend before taking most of the holiday week off.
How would you want someone to let you down?
It’s just part of dating unfortunately, but it’s rough seeing so many people on here take it so hard and to heart… and that most ways of letting someone down are vilified one way or another. Also, should you only ever go on dates with people you find super hot from online? I tend to go easy on profiles because not everyone photographs well, but it leads to more disappointment on both sides.
It’s Sunday, and I have to deal with some annoying work stuff. Happens quite often, and I’m feeling very tired from it recently. Felt a strong urge to venting to someone for a moment. Then realized I don’t really have anyone close enough to do this kind of random venting to.
Opened up ChatGPT, did a voice chat, said “ask me about my day”. When the voice came on and asked me that, not gonna lie, almost felt like I was gonna cry… Sigh, I’m usually not this emotional, maybe it’s the rain :/
Reddit Guy doubled down and asked for sex AGAIN 😂
When I said, “I’m not sure that two dates and a forehead kiss warrant that level of physical intimacy,” he replied, “Have your rules made you happy in life?”
I’m honestly impressed that Just Some Guy™ has this level of giving no fucks lol
Also, my friend’s son asked for my number, and I made a new friend today!
And as for *him*- I don’t want to feel disappointed affection for him anymore. I don’t want to feel anything for him at all. I hope he ends up with the relationship he earns, and that’s the last thing I’ll ever want for him.
560 likes and decided to delete my Hinge… I’m doing an exchange program for 6 months in January and tired of the disappointment people react with when they find out I won’t be here for 6 months.
Also dating 2 people, one of which is draining the shit out of my energy but despite not being in a relationship. I’m happy with how I held myself in dating this year. I really led with confidence of knowing what I want.
Guy 2 is also re-engaging in conversations after being wishy washy for a week last week and I enjoy his texts a lot
He was cheating on me the entire year. I cannot believe it.
I want to push fast forward button in dating phase. Incredibly difficult to find a good partner nowadays.
Is it unethical to date someone casually when you’re out there looking for your long term match?
My gut says, it’s OK-ish as long you’re extremely explicit that you’re just looking for casual and you make sure to reaffirm that every so often. Even if you leave out “just casual….. with you…”
It still feels super grimey, though. Especially if you can tell that other person would gladly go non-casual if you were down.
[Update: ](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1oypdun/comment/np5ufm9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Well she said she realizes she’s not in the right headspace to date and doesn’t want to lead me on. Want’s to spend some more time understanding her feelings and remain friends. Told me a bunch of stuff about how she genuinely appreciates my emotional maturity and intentionality. Saying how I’m a rare type of person to meet.
Sometimes I wish I could just read between the lines and understand if it’s *really* just something about me. I think deep down I just want to feel confident that I’m attractive to women on the outside and not just the inside. I think I just feel paranoid that I’m just always going to be “nothing special” in the eyes of women I am attracted to.
We are going into the ‘running era’. Bought running shoes (same model, different colour) and started planning the workout plan. Went out for a walk after dinner. Told him that we are the old couple who wear the same shoes and go out for a walk in the park lol
Starting a rewatch of my Winter show, the West Wing, since it’s now dark at 5:00. And swiping swiping swiping on the apps. What are you folks up to this Sunday evening?
It’s clear to me that the girl my ex cheated on me with has no idea that I exist. She may know of me but not who. I’m also certain she doesn’t know he was cheating either. All 3 of us work together. He’s in a position of power, though not over me. I’m thinking about giving her a subtle hint that will lead to her asking him questions that I know he’ll fumble answering. Should I do it?
Edit: i should also note that he’s scared I’m going to say something either to her or HR. Apparently, similar happenings have happened before with current and former employees. And he’s slept with a few ppl at work BTW. I didn’t know this when he was with me.
I’ve (34F) become so frustrated with this guy (31M) I’ve been seeing for about 3 months. I know it’s partially I just need to communicate with him on the smaller annoyances but also there are bigger red flags, too.
– He told me he doesn’t want children but then backtracked to say he’s 80-90% uninterested in having them. This was interesting bc it made me realize maybe I do care if I have them?? I had always considered myself on the fence but idk his response rly has been bothering me.
– we haven’t done anything more intimate than kissing. I’m been letting him lead on this since he’s very inexperienced, but I have communicated I need more. He’s just not doing anything nor is he communicating any insecurities or timeline or whatever.
– I am losing attraction for him overall.
I enjoy hanging out with him and never regret it, but it also feels like an obligation.
Anyway, I am planning on having a sit down discussion about this later this week. But I just wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere 😕
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYzr2l1wbAc
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Hi my new dating friends 😊
So, today I went on a date with a guy from an app.
And I feel somewhat down now.
First, he seems to have lied about his height.
Then otherwise he seemed like a nice and smart guy, very passionate about his work. I understood little about it but I like to listen people talking about what they like. Also very impressive (I am just dumb in that tech field)).
I understood two things:
1) I can say in the very first 30 seconds if I am NOT romantically interested in someone. If I cannot understand it’s still possible I will like them.
2) if I am not interested in someone romantically, I don’t speak too much, I listen. But i also feel internally very awkward, which I don’t think I show. I just want to make myself as small as possible so I avoid any chance of them liking me. I realized that with those guys I talked SO FUCKING much, too much, and was so extra is specifically because either I liked them or there was a chance I did and couldn’t identify it and needed more time.
Then it seems people like me more when I am not excited and just polite. Or do all of us like people who don’t like us 🙁
Then even though I didn’t express many things, still the guy said “oh how come we go back to sad topics. You talked about a book on Afghanistan, then that you wanting to travel to Syria, and now about war in your country”. I just replied that I guess I am just a sad person who likes to suffer 😅 I guess that’s just who I am 🥲
Then he tried to kiss me a few times 😣 not like with his lips on my lips but getting so close that I would just turn around nervously and it’s specifically the main reason I don’t want to go on dates coz it makes me feel bad these kind of moments. This and a possible heartbreak when the roles change 🫠
Also. He paid for dinner, I wanted to split, especially since I knew already that I am not interested. I need to send a rejection message and I don’t know how to do it properly, he already planned to meet again and work together or something 😣 it’s also a bit hard for me coz I liked him as a person, but u mostly always like them and just want to be friends, but I should be not selfish about it, of course, or even lie to myself that I will suddenly get some attraction.
Just rambling 🤐
I’ve been in bed since Friday and finally got up to shower and brush my teeth to see a friend. It will likely be the last time we see each other for a while. He’s one of the few people in this city who have just sat with me and let me feel sad, but because of his own issues, hasn’t been able to spend much time with me.
And I had this thought, like I’m likely going to die alone. Not just romantically, but I can’t seem to make human connections. I didn’t even have a relationship with my own parents. Why bother with going on this way for another 20-30 years or however long it will be? I guess it’s a bit dark to say on this forum.
I cannot wait to leave this mental asylum of a city.
Dating-wise. Toronto guy keeps texting me every couple weeks saying he’s looking forward to seeing me again. American guy and I chat daily. I’m getting some new ok matches on Hinge. I will get to repeat 1 month connections ad nauseum, until I really have nothing to offer anyone anymore.
Debating whether to match with a guy on hinge who sent a rose and nice comment. My main hesitations are I’m not sure if I’d find him attractive and he didn’t state politics or religion. On bumble I’m more open to matching without that info but my concern is this guy could throw off my algorithm. It is sad that I am weighing that factor into my decision. But I just did the Fresh Start reset and I’ve intentionally only matched with fellow liberals. I am kinda interested in who this guy is though! He’s not my usual type so I’m intrigued. Our lifestyles seem to match but his look does read as more conservative to me. My hunch is that we wouldn’t be a fit.
What should I do if the guy I’ve been on two dates with says something annoying? He constantly repeats the same vague platitude whenever I vent. Like it doesn’t matter how serious the subject matter. Is it too little/inconsequential of a thing to give me the ick?
Anyone wants to do 10 dates until New Year challenge? 🫠
I am trying to motivate myself somehow to go on dates, and I sure my friends won’t join.
The guy I’m seeing and I had the “are we exclusive” talk today and both agreed yes 🙂 This is the first person I’ve felt this way about in 2 years of dating. He was hoping to call me his girlfriend but it’s a little early for me. We’ve only been dating about a month and I’d like a little more time to get to know each other and build trust. He seemed to understand but I can tell he’s a little disappointed. He had also invited me to his family’s Thanksgiving but I declined because it was too much pressure early on. He hasn’t dated in quite a long time so I think he got ahead of himself (we both feel excited but also surprised by finding each other in the wild lol), but I set my boundaries for the pace I need and all I can do is hope that’s ok with him as we keep exploring this connection.
Haven’t used a dating app in two years. They’ve always been useless for me, but I’ve seen many redditors saying they’re great even for average guys if you live in a big city like NYC. Sounds like BS to me, but I took a vacation to NYC last week so I figured why not test it out. Fired up Tinder and Bumble. 0 matches for the length of my stay. I was right, the location was not the issue. At least I did confirm that, even if I didn’t really need the confirmation.
Invited out a newish friend with the intent of just enjoying myself in the company of someone I think is smart and funny and interesting to talk to (but also very attractive. So… bonus.) Didn’t make the invite as explicitly a date or not a date, just left it as two people doing a thing.
I’m not sure how they interpreted it. It was a lot of fun. No physical contact or anything. Zero awkwardness when I saw them next. I don’t want to be annoying so I’m not going to invite them out again, but if they were to invite me I’d go.
I’m kinda embarrassed to admit this, but I might have had ChatGPT analyze my text conversations with the guy I’ve been seeing. And according to ChatGPT, my anxious ass brain is incorrect and his texts suggest a healthy level of interest and investment to our connection.
I’m generally anti-ChatGPT because of the environmental impact as well as not wanting to see the world become totally smooth brained, but after using it tonight I see why people like it and use it regularly.
EDIT: Thank you all for the actual reality check.
went on a first date, had really great time and we agreed to meet up again after travels. small talk texting and I keep prompting to get together again, which he seemed enthusiastic about, but he doesn’t engage to making plans. left me on read 48 hours ago. over lip service and the exhaustion of putting myself out there and not getting reciprocated effort.
do I try one more time and ask or just let it fizzle
If I put half the energy I put into craving a relationship, into the gym routine I have, I’d be schwole by January.
Time to lock in and divert my energy elsewhere for a bit. Hot girl summer in the making? 😂
It was my birthday recently. One person texted me.
I had also been chatting with a woman on Bumble. She was nearby! And seemed interested! Then tonight she unmatched. Oh well.
The holidays are also definitely starting to make the loneliness worse.
My friend noticed a trend with my dating, he said whenever I am really interested in someone they don’t share the same level and when someone is really interested in me I don’t show the same level of interest. Does anyone else find this in their dating life?
I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year and a half. She has lately been calling me out for basically not putting in the effort I used to earlier on in our relationship.
I used to buy her flowers more often, plan more dates, give her gifts for things she mentioned wanting. That kind of thing. She hasn’t mentioned sex in this context, but I’m no longer driving across town to spend the night with her because she’s driving me crazy. I’m very attracted to her, but things have changed. We now live together.
She is right that I haven’t been making those efforts as I did back then. I am still passionately in love with her, but I don’t think about her as obsessively any more. My focuses are more balanced now.
It makes sense that she misses that. And it would be romantic if I were still so preoccupied with her that I would plan each outing, plan the gifts I’d bring to each one, and so on.
But we lived apart then. All we had were those outings, gifts, texts, calls. We live together and see each other every day. I still do a lot for her, and her for me. But they are more quotidian than they used to be.
I know she would like more of what I used to do. I just don’t know if I really can sustain that effort, along with the effort just involved with living together daily, the daily care and time and effort I devote in ways less eventful than before.
Maybe I am too skeptical of my ability to make sure she feels cared for in this way. It’s hard to hear because I feel unappreciated for the things I do now that I didn’t do before. I want her to be happy. But will she always just feel unsatisfied? Sometimes I think so, and that when she does, it’s for reasons out of my control. I don’t know if it will ever be enough.
The guy (39) im (38) seeing straight up told me hes was a “late bloomer” and not good / confused w relationships. I asked him more about it but couldnt really understand, just that his longest relationship was 1 year and it was long distance. I honestly think hes just a massive nerd/geek (in the best possible way! super smart & techy) And so might have low-ish EQ combined with being a late bloomer.
Any advise? (Theres tons of reddit posts advising the datee but I couldnt find any advising the dater.)