I’m taking a break from dating for a while. After moving to a new country, I went on several first dates over the past couple of weeks. I’ve always approached online dating as a real path toward finding a long term partner, but these recent experiences made me realize that this mindset isn’t working for me right now.
I put genuine effort into dates and treat people the way I want to be treated. The pattern I kept running into was that many of the women I met were dealing with heavy trauma or coming out of difficult relationships. They would show up in a off mood, sometimes even seeming too lazy to put any effort into making the date go well, and I could sense that immediately. Because of that, I ended up taking responsibility for the flow of the entire date, leading the conversation and trying to keep things steady. That’s when I’d turn off and shift the whole dynamic from something serious into, one therapy style session. They would eventually feel comfortable with me, but at that point I was no longer thinking about a possible second date. I was just trying to make the evening decent for both of us.
This made me question why I was rushing into meeting so quickly and why I wasn’t taking more time to understand someone before setting up a date. I realized I’ve been paying for what essentially turned into unplanned therapy sessions. I’m not against helping someone or having a good time as friends, but it takes a toll when you’re investing effort in people who are still focused on their past.
For now, I’m taking a step back to rethink how I’m approaching all of this, set some real boundaries, spend more time talking online first, and make sure I’m meeting people who are actually ready for something new.