So I’ve been saving myself for marriage for a number of reasons. Values and just the belief that I’ll have a better experience with one person rather than being with a lot of different men. Dating has been kinda funny as a 28 year old because no one even remotely believes it when I tell them. So I tend to get the shocked reaction of “what, why, how, no way” and my favorite one so far: “are you sure?” lol
So I’d really like to understand how that comes across to men on a first date. For men, what would you think if you went on a date and found out that said date is a virgin. And also how would you want to be told about it?
And if there are any women with similar experiences, I’d love to know about it! Thank you
Edit: should have mentioned I grew up in a very sex positive household haha. Innuendos and sex jokes all the time. So have nothing against being physically intimate with someone. I don’t blush or shy away from sexual tension, I just hold strong beliefs about romance and marriage. It’s beside the point but thought I’d clarify!
2nd edit: please don’t assume I’m asexual or have a low libido guys lol. I just really focus on building respect and connection first. I have a higher libido than most men I meet actually. So pretty confident about sexual compatibility or meeting the needs of a partner
Just want to know if a first date is too soon to drop that kind of info on a guy
31 comments
Would rather a woman with little to no experience than too much
Little to no experience wouldn’t bother me, but waiting until after marriage would be a definite deal breaker. Most people want to know that there is chemistry and compatibility before making that commitment. I’d say your best bet is to date within your religion, assuming that’s the motivating factor in you waiting until after marriage. Then it won’t be a surprise that you’re saving yourself.
Hard to answer this because every guy is different.
I can relate. I don’t have any experience either, not because I was intentionally saving myself, but because I never ended up in a relationship. Now that I’m starting to date, I get really anxious about admitting that I haven’t done it.
I stayed a virgin til marriage. I ended up with a weird dude whi was into cartoon corn more than me. I had ninodea until it was too late. Maybe0 you should think about waiting till you’re very serious. I don’t at all advise to wait till marriage. I will absolutely not be doing that next time. I get not wanting to sleep around. But sex is important and the biggest way a couple bonds. You don’t want to get stuck in a weird situation like I did.
Dudes love that I only have limited experience. They all see me as a fresh slate they can teach and grow. Don’t worry about that part. They love it and they all seem to want that even though they don’t have it to offer back. Thats been my experience upon being single again…p
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Most guys would be really exciting that you have no experience. However, every guy who is only looking to get laid, will probably exit stage left
I don’t think this has much to do with being a man. Everyone is different. I’ve met a lot of reserved guys so they definitely exist. I’m a woman and I would not want a guy who is reserving himself. The idea of needing to wait goes against my values as I am extremely sex positive and that compatibility is important to me. And trust me, the last thing you want is a man you can’t keep up with or a man who can’t keep up with you. You’d be surprised how much incompatibility in the bedroom will mess up your relationship.
A woman with no experience is intriguing. Being with someone learning what they like and dislike? Sure. Doesn’t dissuade me.
Its pretty much the complete opposite of what woman think of men with no experience
I would be interested to hear the story/reasons as to why. And also for me that’s admirable because having a set of beliefs following your core values is a rare trait these days, I will always respect that. Lack of experience to me personally doesn’t matter, I’m more interested in the decisions behind it.
Some men with experience are 💩 in bed so you’d be teaching them. So I wouldn’t worry about it. You just be yourself and have fun and make sure you get yours 👍🏻😊
I would commend you for it and your beliefs. Being told about it in way after a couple of dates would go like this. ” I just want to let you know that I have been saving myself for the right person. I wanted to tell you this in case you had expectations.”
I think this is a polite way.
If the conversation goes on, you might say you like to cuddle, and get emotional and intimate with your partner but I’m not sure about going further. You never know what the moment will bring with the right person. So it is left open. Even though you have no experience, you will know when the right time presents itself. Do not think it is a bad thing. You might find yourself test driving the car before you buy it though.
As the son of a former std clinic nurse I’d say it’s proof that you are clean.
The positive aspects are self-evident. The negatives are that a woman who has made it to 28 without having sex might reasonably be suspected of not having much interest in sex or possibly some aversion to it, which is the kind of partner most men fear being stuck with.
From my experience (female view) at a certain age it becomes a bit of a problem, due to general expectations in most western societies. First, no one believes you and it’s not easy to get people to believe something that is too out of the box for most. Second they don’t really understand the implications and it makes things extra difficult and awkward.
If you are lucky to meet someone who is mature enough to understand this, it won’t be an issue, of course.
I would assume that you’re a person of strong convictions who takes their values seriously, and I have great respect for that. I would also assume that sex is not particularly important to you, and you’re likely either asexual, demisexual, or very religious. All of which are totally cool, but make the possibility that we’re personally compatible in a relationship much lower. It certainly wouldn’t be a dealbreaker if you were a virgin, but I wouldn’t want to marry someone (or even date them long term) without determining if we’re sexually compatible.
So if I’m being honest, I would enjoy spending time with you on our date and then text you that I’m not feeling a connection and I hope you find what you’re looking for. And I’m confident there are people out there who are what you’re looking for, and you’re doing the right thing being up front about it and mentioning it within the first few dates.
I’m also wondering this
There’s a difference between a woman with no experience vs a woment that wants to wait for marriage. Most guys don’t care if a woman has no experience, but most guys would not want a woman that wants to wait for marriage.
Personally, I am fine with waiting months if it’s someone I want to be with but I would never wait until marriage because sexual compatibility is important and you’re taking a big risk by not knowing how that will be until after you have tied the knot
Some will respect it and many will say they will and then try and pressure you. It is something you definitely have to address early as it is something that is black and white for you and that could be construed as dishonest if you try to hide it from them.
“Are you sure?” 🤣
I personally don’t care, but you definitely need to let men know you’re saving yourself for marriage.
I’m 24f and a virgin as well, I don’t think it’s important on the first date. I think you would just wait until you’ve gotten to that point in the relationship where you’re getting more physical, then u have the convo. But idk I’m not waiting till marriage, just commitment … so that conversation might be much earlier for you. But definitely not the first date!
For me personally it would be kind of a relief to hear that, but that’s only because I have no experience with it myself so it’d mean we have a similar experience. I would never want to wait until marriage though, because I think it’d be important to find out about compatibility before that. I do respect your stance on that however and I’m sure the right guy would understand. If you really want to wait until marriage I’d say that’s an important thing to mention early on, possibly even before a first date. It’ll be a dealbreaker for many men and there’s no point in wasting your time with men who aren’t accepting of that. If it’s just about establishing an emotional connection first, I don’t think virginity is something that needs mentioning on a first date and I believe it’s best to just let it come up naturally as you get to know each other.
I’m saving myself for marriage too! (although when I made a post about it I was downvoted into oblivion). I don’t know if it’s religiously based, I know it’s not for me, but I assure you that there is a rising community within our generation who value sex as an extremely intimate thing, and want to wait for the right person and the right time
How are you meeting guys?
If it’s online, I think it’d be good to mention when you’re texting before setting up a date. Most seem to expect sex right away online
If it’s in person, maybe on a phone call before setting up a first date.
Also good on you for acting according to your values. I hope you find someone who appreciates that and has the same value.
How do you know you have a high libido if you’re still a virgin? Not being sarcastic.
I don’t care. Tbh I think less men/women in the past = less trauma, less hurt. As long as she’s a good person, I don’t care.
> Just want to know if a first date is too soon to drop that kind of info on a guy
Are you meeting guys on dating apps? If so you should tell them in the chat, before you meet them. It’ll help filter out guys who are just looking for a hookup, and filter in guys who are okay waiting for you. It’ll save everyone time in the long run. You want to be transparent and honest – the fact that they’re surprised isn’t a good thing!
I wouldn’t say it on the first date, but I’m not expecting sex at that point. And I can only speak for myself, but like usually, I go with the “your body, your choice”. Doesn’t make me lose interest, since I’m more interested to get to know them. But like I said, that’s just me.