I’m in a bit of a weird situation – so bare with me. I’m going to be a bit overly honest in this post, so apologies in advance.
For the past several years I’ve (M 31) lived with my best friend (F 42) – we were both competitive fighters and became fast friends after recognizing we shared similar values. Not long after, she became a fixture of my friend group – and jokes were constantly made about us being in love. Truthfully, I did love her (and still do), though I enjoy the company of women and have always known she’s a bit too good for me. I’m from a trashy, terribly violent place – and she’s from a good Italian family.
Anyway, one night after clubbing we made love – in truth, we fucked each other sideways, and it wasn’t long before we learned we shared similar appetites for sex that is a bit more “aggressive” in nature; perhaps it has something to do with our choice in obsessive hobby (boxing), but who knows? Soon my clubbing nights ended in bed with her instead of anyone else.
VERY long story short, we tried a relationship – going so far as to get engaged, and realized I was just a bit too broken for such commitments. This mutual choice came after we’d made the decision to move in together, blending families and the whole nine.
These days, we’ve gone back to a platonic relationship, which has worked since about 2023. As of late, however, her personality seems to have completely changed. She no longer see’s anyone romantically (that I know of) and seems to view my sexual relationships with distaste. I’ve discussed the possibility of moving out – to which she vehemently opposes. Another of our mutual appreciations is honesty – but she swears there is no jealousy on her part, because she still gets to hang with her best friend and use him for orgasms on occasion (her words).
I’m not really sure what to do. I feel like moving out would damage our friendship and confuse our shared children (her bio daughters, my bio son), but on the other hand I have a strong sense she’s waiting around for me to ask her to be with me. Most of all, I feel like the biggest sack of shit that’s leading on a beautiful, intelligent and successful woman that I know any guy would give an arm for. And in a way, I think that’s effecting my choice to keep things the way they are.
I know that’s a lot time and info crammed into a few paragraphs, but I’m at a loss. Any advice would be appreciated.
TL;DR: I think I’m leading my best friend on, and I don’t know what to do.