Hey everyone i will start with a description of what happened.
In 2020 i met my ex, i still think of her as the most beautiful and pretty person, my heart belongs to her. During our 5 year relationship a lot happened, i was neglectful. Young. I was looking for attention and forgot about her needs.
I was making empty promised and i was lying.
Long story short i was a real ass, and a really shitty boyfriend.
I realize this and have so much regret.
Earlier this year we broke up, she decided it. And then we went no contact for about a month to work on ourselfves and experience life without each other.
After the month we talked in real life, we met up and had a heart to heart. We both agreed it felt crushing and we still loved each other. But just love isnt enough.
We decided to stay friends, and we met up once a week or so, then one thing went onto another and we were sharing kisses and having intercourse weekly and seeing each other weekly.
Now this is beautiful you think, no.
The thing we decided on was the following : we can try again if i work on myself and get professional help ( curdently on a waiting list). If i show initiative and show her that i want her. That i make her feel like i love her and feel safe. I stop lying and work on myself. I show improvement.
Now recently last 3 weeks we came back from our weeklong holiday to valencia. And i noticed our texting contact was drying up, i was initiating and she was barely responding.
But everytime we saw each other in real life everytime was fine, hug, kiss, talk. Etc.
Last theusday i went away from her place and we had a wonderfull time talked about some future and getting toys for eachother.
The next part threw me off really bad: she then started to ghost and barely react with very short sentences. Today we talked shortly and she decided she wants to talk on the next wednesday, about herself, us, and how she wants to continue.
This really feels like everything is falling apart and i didnt show her enough that i care and want a future with her. It feels like my heart is on the verge of shattering.
I really want to give it my all to fix this, but im so scared and concerned she already made her decision.
I realize i got many chances from her but i really dont see live without her. I want to show her how much it matters to me.
So reddit, what is my best course of action?
TLDR: Me and my ex are back in contact but im scared im destroying it again.