This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Can’t tell if I’m burnt out from work, low libido and need to see my doctor, or I’m just done with the dating game. A year ago I had so much energy for dating and obsessed about it. I’m 6 months out from a relationship I knew wasn’t going anywhere long-term, and I just can’t seem to care about meeting new romantic partners. Still on the apps but haven’t really been engaging with them too much
Today would have been our 1 year date-a-versary, and instead of having the space to wallow and drown in self pity, my entire life has exploded.
Living situation is a shitshow, and I’m trying to take over the lease, and I need to find a new roommate. Maybe 2.
Work has been crazy and now a crucial system is all errors. My call application crashed as my last call came in.
Writing this while waiting for the system to reboot but oh my fucking god. Can I please have just a little tiny break? Before *I* break?
Went on a date yesterday, finally felt like I had a real emotional connection with someone again. And then, she clarified that what sounded like a weekend trip to New England, was actually a 3 month travel contract to New Hampshire.
So I exchanged numbers, but I was also like “why would you go on a date with me?”
I’m sitting at my work desk and can’t stop smiling about seeing my newly minted boyfriend in a few hours. It hasn’t even been 5 days since I saw him in person last. I guess these are the effects of the honeymoon phase.
For the first time in a long while I got a match on hinge. That’s nice.
It occurs to me that I will be out of town for about half the month of December, including a block the week after Thanksgiving (Nov 27th). This could be a problem.
OK. Desperate about getting no like on Hinge 😂
Who wants to review my profile? (Interested in opinion of men since it’s the target audience 😅). Ready to change all that profile at this point or create a parallel one.
Is it appropriate to ask your date how long they’ve been single? I’ve dated inexperienced men before, but at my age, I don’t feel like doing it again.
A few “adventures in online dating” stories for this week.
Matched with Woman A over a unique-ish hobby, chatted quite a bit over a few days and asked if she’d be up for meeting in person. Got a yes, I offered some options, she picked one to do this Saturday when she was free for most of the day. I offered a time, was told she’d get back to me the next day (yesterday) after checking with a friend, haven’t had any confirmation since. She’s still chatting with me on the app (like, real conversation), but nothing about actually meeting up tomorrow. Ball is in her court, and if I don’t hear anything by tonight I’m just going to take it as a sign she’s not really interested. I’ve also noticed that she’s changed a bunch of stuff on her profile since matching, too.
Matched with Woman B who had a sparse profile. After almost an entire day of waiting got the ever-wonderful, always looked forward to message of “Hi” and that’s it. I unmatched immediately.
Matched with Woman C who had a super fun and witty introductory message to me. I was a bit busy for the day so I took a minute to reply, but did so with an appropriately witty and light-hearted reply. No response almost 2 days later, though.
And that brings us to Woman D. She sent a message to me in an attempt to match, and her message was: “Hey, remember when we matched before and then you ghosted me?” While she’s correct that I just disappeared, it was because she Gray Rocked me; I had asked her a few questions about stuff in her profile and her replies were short, fairly empty, and she asked me not a single question in return. I think we exchanged 3-4 messages total before I unmatched back then because I take not being asked anything (not even a “how’s your day?”) as a sign of non-interest. All I can do is shake my head at this one; not sure what she was hoping to accomplish with the passive aggressive approach. 😀
Went to a singles mixer last night with a friend. The age range was 30-45, which was perfect for me. I talked to this one woman pretty much most of this night who had a lot of energy and was very fun to talk to. There were a few raffles for gift cards to date spots – we entered and wound up winning one of the raffles.
She had left before we won (exchanged numbers before she left), so I texted her we won, and then she replied she was using the night to see if she was ready to date, and she wasn’t actually ready.
I’m kind of mad about this. I happily paid money for the event, I don’t mind supporting these kind of fun events. But we were at a dating event. I could have been talking to someone else most of the night. I’m mostly mad I didn’t mingle more and talked to mostly her all night.
My friend walked away with a very nice guy though. They were all over each other in a great way. Happy for her.
I’ve noticed that people are putting up their Christmas trees. Which 1) That’s way too early, imo. 2) Where the fuck has this year gone? And 3) It’s making me feel sooo old! Time is marching on. I don’t like it.
If anyone has any Ideas on how to halt time, I’m all ears. Just hit me up
I am the king of overthinking and overanalyzing things.
Went on a date with a woman last week which went well enough for a kiss on the first date to seem right and we set up plans for a 2nd date Monday this week.
There was intermittent texting here and there between the 1st and 2nd date, but it wasn’t just a Q&A, there were genuine unprompted texts from her end. It wasn’t all-day texting, but rather a few in the morning and evening just about random things.
We had the 2nd date Monday and it resulted in plans for a 3rd on Thursday before we even left the restaurant.
Since then, there has been a lot less communication from her end, a rescheduling of the date to Saturday (she suggested a few options for days), and an increase in skepticism that she’s actually interested in a 3rd on my end.
She did apologize for the lack of communication from her end after the 2nd date on Wednesday as she is in grad school and has been studying for her exams next week.
I know she offered days to reschedule when she canceled on Thursday PM which is generally a good sign but the lack of communication is getting to me. I’ve always been of the mindset that if someone wanted to communicate, they would, even if it’s 1-2 texts a day max.
All this to say, we’ll see if the 3rd date actually happens and whether or not a 4th is even in the cards.
Edit: Ya’ll this is more of a “let-me-get-this-off-my-chest” post than one asking for advice. I tried to convey that with my opening line.
I know it’s irrational and overthinking tings.
I miss him so fucking much. He probably is relieved that I’m out of his life. Saying “I love you” was the downfall of our relationship. The day after I said it, he said it was a “problem.” And last weekend he got upset when I said it again. In what universe is hearing those three words a problem? He never wanted me.
What’s “normal” nowadays?
I was in a relationship for 6 miserable years with an abusive POS and now I’m back in the game. I had a rebound that I thought I liked (he was 28M and I’m 30F) and I was getting too obsessed so I went on hinge for fun/maybe someone to distract me from the rebound and MUCH to my surprise met someone incredible (30M).
Since I’ve been out of the game for so long now I’m legitimately going crazy bc I don’t know if this is something special or if everyone experiences this so early on.
It’s been ~3 weeks and we talked the first week, first date the second week, and a quick date + planned date this past week.
We constantly tell each other that we really like each other and are excited but cautious. Haven’t had sex yet and he’s firm in keeping it that way to pace ourselves but we fool around. I’ve never had something like this because my past relationships we basically became bf/gf after the first date and rushed everything which never ended well. He’s so incredibly kind, smart, charismatic, HOT, thoughtful, and makes me laugh the hardest any man has. He constantly reassures me because he can tell I’m a little anxious and tend to overthink on top of having great communication skills/ in therapy weekly for years. He said since we met he feels like he wants to be better and has heightened morale. I’m also extremely anxious because it’s almost toooooo good to be true and I’m not used to this lol.
It’s obviously way too soon to tell anything but does this sound like the usual dating experience or could this be something special?
I broke up with him 13 days ago and was no contact for 5 days. But then we talked on the phone last night. Rehashed and relitigated everything. Again.
It felt like we both took accountability but I still don’t feel like he recognises how much his mental health (and recently going off meds) affects him – let alone us.
He asked, begged, me to come over. We have an incredible physical connection and I know we both miss that. I said no.
I don’t have a good coping mechanism for one-sided things. With this upcoming call with summer crush (about a project related to my work) my only coping mechanism is to keep reminding myself “remember, you’re not attractive and he wouldn’t be into you like that.” I know he’s not into me, but I’m struggling so much not to read into his message/wanting to talk to me as more than just a straight up work call and this is the only thing keeping my head on somewhat straight.
This is a coping mechanism I used all through high school and college, and it successfully kept me from getting hurt/humiliated but I wondered if I was also creating a self fulfilling prophecy with it. So after college, I made an effort to actively stop thinking this way and tell myself that I *could* be attractive and someone *could* like me. Except all that resulted in was more one sided things and even more hurt, because now I actually let myself believe something could happen when it wasn’t going to.
Sooooo now I’m finding myself falling back on my old coping strategies. It’s surprisingly effective, more than telling myself “he doesn’t like you, but someone else will” it works better to tell myself “remember, you’re ugly and no one wants you so he definitely doesn’t either.” I don’t know why this works better, but it does. At the same time, I know it’s probably not great for my self esteem or coming across as available and healthy if the right person did somehow come along.
Went to his colleague housewarming last night. Met a few more people that will also come to his friendsgiving. Everyone seems chill and easy to talk to.
Signed – The anxious girlfriend.
36F. I’ve been dating the same 34M exclusively for 2.5 months and we are more comfortable with each other now as we go. You notice some quirks, you have a level of understanding. We see each other about 2-3x a week, cooking for each other, having some routines like watching True Detective while drinking wine, etc. We know each other’s favourite drinks and candies and it’s kinda sweet to notice these things. He’s got a distinctive snore when he is so overly tired and we laugh about it a lot. We spoke about personal things that made us sad and I’ve cried to him a few times.
Honestly, I was getting a little worried, like maybe we are getting a little too comfortable and routiney especially when the season is getting colder and energy level is noticeably lower. Like all I want to do, most of the time, is to be cosy at home, read something and not have to deal with crowded social spaces. But this weekend, I was determined to change it up a little, so I told him that if he didn’t make plans on Saturday, I’d have him for a surprise so he just needs to follow my lead to wherever we go, and he said he’s on!
So I booked a couple of tickets to an immersive light show with Vivaldi and then I intend to whisk his ass to a cocktail bar and we could try something new. And when we get to his place, we can relax a little, maybe get a little frisky. And then I have arranged for us to watch an old anime movie, Angel’s Egg, that’s supposed to be an inspiration for Ghost in The Shell, and I’d have my favourite wine and his favourite beers ready and chilled in the fridge and we can enjoy that while watching it. I know that he likes anime and while I don’t really care for anime, I do love movies that are thought-provoking, so I think I’m being very efficient in hitting two birds with one stone here. I remember he spoke fondly about how it was cool that I suggested that we watched Eraserhead on our 4/5th date together (because he would have never watched that movie alone otherwise 😂).
For dinner, I don’t know what we plan to eat, but honestly, I’ll be fine if we just get a simple takeout or order in, and just be really cosy and relaxed. I am looking forward to surprise him and hopefully it sends him the subliminal message that I’m not ready to settle for the routine life yet! I just have that insecurity within me that it can be so comfortable and so easy at times to slip into that kind of routine samey stuff, but I’m still trying to keep it somewhat interesting sometimes. I still want to date him, go on dates, get to know different sides of him, and have fun along the way! Hope he would feel the same way too. 😭
We’ve been dating for a month and I noticed yesterday he tweaked his Hinge profile a little. I don’t really know when he did that because I don’t actively monitor his profile, but it might have been recently.
Not going to make a big deal out of it or anything. I’m just confused by this. He treats me like a girlfriend, talks to me daily, says he wants to cuddle me and can’t wait to see me, and introduces me to his friends, but then this happens? I’m a little confused because his behavior just does not line up with what happened. It’s making me want to approach him more cautiously, and maybe emotionally retreat a little. I don’t even know how he has the time to date other people because his schedule is so packed. He even has my photo in his contacts with a fire emoji next to my name, so does he mute my messages when he’s seeing other people so my name doesn’t pop up? I feel a little sad about this but I guess we aren’t exclusive. I’m tired of being the one initiating the exclusive talk and would rather have him bring it up first. Is it so bad to want to be wanted for once? Just venting.. nothing is actually wrong other than feeling a little emotionally sore.
Here’s an actual comment about dating from me.
Sometimes I get anxiety about dating, or the future of my dating life. Sometimes I feel like I missed the memo or something important in life that could’ve set me up with a good marriage life. I’ve spent so much time single and cultivating my lifestyle to be just myself. My friends didn’t necessarily have to struggle so hard with dating as others out here . They started seeing someone and they became their wife. I just don’t get how it can be that easy for ppl.
Meanwhile some of my friends who have married for 5+ years don’t have anything to worry about. I remember when they started dating their wives, meeting them, then attending their weddings. I just wonder if I’ll ever make it there. It’s hard to imagine that lifestyle for myself. It seems to happen so naturally for others, but not for myself 🙁
I saw a lady online saying that her friends had told her to stop using Hinge for 2-3 weeks. Then press the button to cancel, and they’ll offer to reset your algorithm for free. And that *supposedly* leads to them sharing your profile with more/better profiles. True or nah?
(She also said that the friends who told her this both found their forever people using this method).
Going on a second date tomorrow. We haven’t texted since Saturday. It’s nice knowing I can arrange a date and they’ll show up, without having to engage in small talk in the meantime or confirm plans are still on.
I don’t mind messaging, and will make the effort in early dating, but my preference is always to speak in person.
Still feeling so blindsided from the guy I went on a couple of dates with. I don’t get how he can say he didn’t feel a spark when he initiated a kiss on our first date and then brought me back to his on our second. Hand holding, cuddling, having sex.
I also don’t get him saying that he doesn’t think we’d be compatible long term but also saying it’s all just a gut feeling.
It’s awful to go from spending the day/night, and then morning together – planning a third date, me texting him to tell him I had a lovely time and can’t wait to see him again, to him sending me the longest message he’s ever sent to tell me it’s all over. It hurts that it took him only a couple of hours to decide I’m not worth a third date just in case. I feel embarrassed and foolish and I know that if I meet someone else I’m not going to believe anything they say. I don’t want to become bitter or closed off.
I’m going to a gig tomorrow at least, so I’ll be able to dance and sing. There’s one specific song I’m worried they’ll play because I’ll cry for sure and I really don’t want to!
I think I’ve given up. Shit sucks lol
My mom can be very emotionally needy. My old therapist pointed out that she relies on me a lot emotionally. I was surprised to hear that, but when I told my brother he said, “yes, why don’t you stop doing that.”
This year for Thanksgiving my brother chose to go out of town which is fine. My parents are divorced. Sometimes my dad’s side of the family plans things last minute and I’d like to see them if they do end up being around. My mom is upset that my brother chose to make other plans. She wanted to make specific plans with me and got upset when I said I didn’t want to make plans yet. I didn’t want to tell her I want to keep options open in case my dads side of the family plans something, because that would upset her too.
I’m ok potentially being alone on Thanksgiving. I already ordered turkey dinner carry out from a restaurant just to have on hand in case i do end up alone and tbh I’m kind of looking forward to it. I could go to the movies, go for a walk, put my Christmas tree up, eat my turkey dinner, dessert and wine. It actually sounds like a lovely day. I feel like a “bad person” for not wanting to make exact plans with my mom, but I also don’t think I should be responsible for any of her feelings. I’m tired of trying to make her feel better by spending time with her so she’s not alone and so that I don’t feel like a bad person. I think it’s time she took care of her own needs.
Anyone doing anything fun this weekend?
I’m pretty sure I’m your person, and you know you’re mine, but you’re over *there* scrolling reddit on company time.
No contact check in! Post what you want to say here, hold others accountable, etc here!
Anxiously attached, on day 15… whoa! Have made it past 2 weeks. I remember being like “maybe I can check if he got to his trip safely on day 7”. Now look at me 💪 I’m past the point of trying to convince myself there is a good time for ME to ever reach out. Now I’m at the point where I just need to wait and see if this “reflection, improve myself, growth” break ever fruits into something edible or it never gets plucked and rots on the vine.
We mutually agreed we should have a convo again once he’s reflected, but the more people I speak to they think he will just never return. I’m not sure what normal patterns of that are, but the small bit I know about him I don’t think he likes to leave loose ends.
Basically will shame or human decency win at this point, who knows?! I don’t really feel like I was properly apologized to as he’s been in a self-focused shame spiral and now we are no contact. I don’t expect anything major or want it to be a reconciliation discussion necessarily, but an eventual conversation between 2 adults about the hurt which was left open-ended would be good for me to close my personal loop.
Anyone else hitting the town alone tonight?
Together almost 10 months in a week and still no “I love you” back from him, which is making me overthink it. I felt it 4 months in, said it 7 months in. I don’t say it often because I don’t want him to feel like he needs to say it back but I also don’t want to hold myself back when it comes to expressing my feelings, so I say it when I really feel it and want him to know.
I don’t think he has said I love you before or if he has, it’s been a really long time. Not sure if I should ask him about it or just let him say it when he’s ready to say it… if that even happens, lol. Even though he hasn’t said it, there are definitely moments when I feel he loves me, but I’d love verbal reassurance. He recently told me he cares about me (like, with his words), which may not seem like enough but this man is a man of very few words so I think it was a big thing. Even his friend express how he doesn’t say or express much.
Anyone who has taken a while to express their love?