So i (27f) and my bf (26m) have been dating for around 5 months we had been friends for years before this so I thought that he would be someone I could trust getting into a relationship with.
Midway through the summer he decided to spend 90% of his savings on a motorcycle, we rode it all the way out until end of last month when we got in an accident.
Before the accident we were having some issues, he had just moved in with me 4-5 weeks prior ( I know this is super quick and I’m an idiot for this but i digress..) he gets mad over little things easily. Like if my puppy (12 weeks old) pees/poops on the floor. If he can’t find something he suddenly lashes out and it makes it feel like it’s my fault and like I have to help him find whatever he’s looking for even though he always says he’s not getting mad “at me” he’s just mad. I had been telling him how much his short temper was bothering me and it seemed like he was working on fixing it a little bit… then we got in the accident.
We were going straight through an intersection and the person going left just stopped in front of us we didn’t have time to move so we hit pretty much head on. I was thrown to the other side of the intersection shockingly with only minor injuries. My bf broke his hip so he had to be taken to the hospital. After this I got charged w possession of stolen property because something on HIS bike was stolen. I have ptsd from dealing with the law before so this was EXTREMELY ANXIETY INDUCING for me especially after just getting thrown off a bike. If you saw how the bike looked you’d be shocked to see I was able to walk away from it..
When this first happened I was in shock of course and I just wanted to be done with everything. He was begging me to come see him and I couldn’t because originally we had a communication ban which was dropped later that night but that is why I didn’t go to see him the first day.
The next day when I went it was like something hit me I saw him in the hospital bed all broken, in a room that smelled like dirty diapers and sweat cause there’s 2 other bed ridden old people sharing the same ward. I got the ick so bad I hate to say it. I told him I can’t take care of him and he can’t expect me to do that, the first night I sent his dad to go check on him and he got mad about that cause “he only wanted me”. I only stayed for 2 hrs then returned almost everyday for the next week to see him even falling asleep in the hospital bed with him at a couple points.
The hospital is far ish from my house, we live in a big city with lots of traffic so it can take up To an hour just to get to the hospital even when it’s not rush hour. I don’t drive so I have to uber. It cost a lot for me to do that $100 there and back. I basically took the entire summer off work to spend time with him and I spent a lot of my own savings in that time so I was already down on funds when this happened.
For reference I am a Dancer, he knew this of course always but he thought that when we start dating I would quit and he could take care of me. I agreed to this but his job requires physical labour and now with his injury he can’t work anymore of course. But he still doesn’t want me to do my job? I don’t know if he just expects me to sit inside spending all my savings but I can’t do that. I’ve been broke so many times and I won’t do it again.
I feel bad to say it but with him being like this it’s like all of the things I fell for him for are gone… we used to ride the bike & go out everyday in the summer time. I know this is toxic but he would punch any guy for talking to me the wrong way and he would do anything for me. We used to have the best sex which obviously can’t happen anymore because broken hip duh and his blood circulation is all messed up so he can’t even really get a proper erection. It’s like caring for a geriatric patient. I have to empty out his piss bottles in the morning cause he can’t get up in the night to go pee. Like I have to do EVERYTHING now. And I was under the impression going into this relationship that he would be taking care of me, now it’s the opposite… and there’s nothing he can do for me. I’m not attracted to this and I feel like an asshole for it.
What I’m nervous is if I ride this relationship out, spend all my savings, he gets better and then goes back to having the angry outbursts he was having before. He’s been a lot better with them since the accident I’d say he’s only had 2-3 times where he lashed out. So I know he’s trying but it’s like …. Everything I liked about him is gone now so what am I holding on to? He can’t give me the same kind of attention, he can’t pick me up and kiss me and take me out for food NOTHING. Like I hate this.
Reddit, what would you guys do in this situation? And am I a bad person for thinking like this? Should I leave?
TLDR; bf with previous anger issues got in a motorcycle accident and I’m not attracted/ not sure if I want to be with him anymore because of it