Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective because I feel completely lost.
My boyfriend (28M) and I (22F) have been together about a year. When we’re physically together, things are genuinely good — very little conflict, we feel close, and we both try for each other.
But long distance has been awful. We keep triggering each other without meaning to. He says he feels unwanted, and I feel uncared for. Small disagreements turn into huge emotional reactions from both sides.
Recently things escalated again. He told me he dreads our morning calls and that I drain him emotionally. When I asked why, he snapped at me. I felt hurt and shut down. He feels like I always win arguments, and I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough.
He asked me directly if I want to break up — yes or no.
I froze because I’m conflicted. I love him, but I’m also exhausted and overwhelmed.
I’m confused because:
• When we’re together in person, everything feels right
• When we’re long distance, everything falls apart
• I don’t know if this pattern is normal for long-distance couples or if it’s a sign we’re not compatible
I’m not looking for moral judgment, I just want to understand whether these are fixable communication issues or common long-distance challenges.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? What helped you understand whether a relationship could be repaired or if the dynamic itself wasn’t healthy anymore?
Any insight or similar experiences would really help me think more clearly
TLDR: I love my bf but we constantly hurt each other when we are apart.