F34
Hello,
Thanks everyone for replying to my lil story yesterday in the comments. You made me feel better 💕
Now, I guess I am just venting or am looking for advice. After the rejection I started questioning myself. How I act and how I am perceived.
I have lots of good friends. It's literally what I consider my main achievement in life. Not PhD or work, not at all. My friends and some volunteering experiences I had.
But I feel like I somehow push guys I like away maybe. Probably I am too much? But then of course I also don't want to shrink myself, but maybe I should do some adjustments.
This autumn I went on dates with 3 guys. And honestly I felt like I was acting quite similarly overall. But after the dates I always feel omg I talked so so much. With one guy we walked 12 km around the city. But I just really enjoy talking and meeting people, I feel. Even if I feel I won't be attracted to this person, I usually always have good time. I don't know how to stop that excitement at that moment… like I literally feel it's my high just to meet and talk to strangers… and after I feel omg I guess I talked too much, I kept no mystery, I overshared. But it's always post factum that I feel it. Also during the date I think I sometimes don't know if I am attracted to the guy and only later I realize it and think I should have been mysterious. Probably they feel overwhelmed by me? Then also I do like to talk on deep topics but at the same time I like being silly. And honestly it's even hard for me to spot it because to me all topics are kind of the same. I can speak about the war (I come from a country in war) and then next I can dance on a table, if that makes sense. But then I can dance on a table only with someone with whom I can speak about war (that's metaphoric here).
Then I feel after my very recent rejection maybe I didn't provide a space for a guy, for him to express himself and for him to be seen? And I do feel that I am not good in asking questions. I do ask them but I feel there are ways to improve it so the other person can feel very understood and very seen. I guess I am wrong in assuming that if I can easily share things as much as I want that the other person would be doing the same and if they don't i should not cross their boundaries.
I am not acting this way in a group of friends, I give everyone space (I hope), I just like to initiate things and gather everyone together. But on dates I also feel like I have to talk and entertain so it all goes well.
Then also with the last date the guy seemed quite intense about surroundings, where should we meet and what should we do, that the atmosphere is not very romantic or the topic we talk about is not romantic. While these things are not important for me at all. I just want to communicate with the person and where it doesn't matter at all. I also am not turned off by "not romantic" topics, rather the opposite … I liked my ex when we talked about politics on the first date or he talked about human trafficking… that was "my spark" I guess. "Romantic" seems a bit boring if it's just that with no diversity.
A bit lost and I don't like it. I was in such a happy state going on those few dates this autumn.