From my personal experience, talking with my friends and other men who are married or in long term relationships nothing more than mere banter… they seem to be happy whenever their wives "let" them have sex with them. I'm trying to put it into words my thoughts on this exactly – in my mind what I'm trying to express feels much deeper – but to be simple – kind of as if it's a privilege or something that the misses is allowing the man to get what he wants, and they all seem to be more than pleased when their spouse obliges.
I have a few close friends who say they get sex maybe 1-2 times a week, others less, but from what I have gathered, it seems I have it made in the shade. But lately I have just not had a good feeling about my sex life, and having sex with my wife.
Maybe I have a different, or even unrealistic view on sex with my partner. We have been together for almost 10 years, and approaching 2 years of marriage. I have always been an extremely sexual person, I have pretty much always been the initiator in our relationship, and we have definitely had our trials and tribulations but one thing I can say about my wife is she always has been pretty willing to "let" me have sex with her, and idk why I almost feel guilty about it. I'd say for the better part of our relationship we had sex 3-5 times a week. In the beginning it was every time we saw each other. I do try hard to be a good lover. I take pride in my performance and I want my spouse to enjoy & get off (which she is not easy to always accommodate lol)
I have never in my life until the last few months felt like I didn't actively want to have sex, haven't been actively seeking out sex, and it's because lately I can't seem to shake the feeling my wife is only doing this for my pleasure. When we have sex, the best way I can describe it – is that it's me having sex with her. This is after I of course initiate, I do most of the work, and I am 99% of the time the determining factor of how the entirety of the encounter goes down (good, bad, passionate, adventurous, dirty, etc.)
I feel like to a degree that in nature, primally speaking, the man is supposed to have sex with the woman in a sense, I guess that's how it's supposed to be for the most part but I can't shake the feeling that it just feels so transactional and not genuinely mutual. I want us to fuck like animals at least every once in a while. I want so badly for her to want it, for it to be seeked out by her for her own wants and desires, for it to be more mutual – and not just me getting to have sex with her.
I think maybe I am taking a step back, looking at my relationship, evaluating my acquaintances relationships, and my past experiences and I'm having a hard time trying to wrap my mind around this concept.
I have been fortunate with my sexual escapades prior to my relationship. I have had a lot of great experiences with a lot of different women, & I have also had plenty (probably more) mediocre and even bad sex with a lot of different women as well. But for the most part I feel like this has been the general consensus with the vast majority of women that I have slept with – it has been the woman "letting" the sex happen, rather than it more or less being purely mutual or even better – the woman seeking it out because its something she is truthfully wanting. With that, I have had a handful of women that were just absolutely feral and I can genuinely say – those were all of my best experiences sexually. It was when my counterpart was equally craving, and if not more invested into the act itself than I was. I know what it's like to feel truly desired and I know what it feels like to see a woman truthfully putting herself out there (in a good way). I feel like long term monogamy doesn't generally set you up for a sex life like this unless you and your partner waited for marriage and the only sex you know is with that person, then I feel like your chances for more "special" & truthfully mutual and a connected active sex life like that is higher. But this isn't the case for myself, nor her as we both have relatively extensive prior sex lives – and that perfectly fine.
I have no problems communicating with my wife. I have touched on the subject (not to this extent) and she has said that if she didn't truthfully want to have sex with me, then she wouldn't. She has said she likes being chased, and she doesn't really know how to initiate, but I can't help but feeling like it's because deep down she's not actively craving or wanting it. The past few months we have had the least amount of sex in our ten year relationship, and she hasn't said or brought anything up. She would probably be fine with sex 1 out of every 10 days, and tbh that makes me feel terrible, and to double down on the fact it makes me feel like that she really does mostly does it for me. And honestly, this isn't something I expect most of the time, not even half the time, not even sometimes, but every once in a while I just crave and want to see that side of my wife and I just don't know what to do or how to make that happen. (I have tried)
Am I overthinking this? Am I being unrealistic for wanting more? To feel hunger rather than compliance? To feel wanted and desired? I feel like I deserve more than this, while also almost feeling guilty at the same time. I don't like feeling like I am in the same category as a lot of other guys I know in that my spouse doesn't genuinely crave me on a raw deep intimate sexual level, and it's making me not want to have sex with her anymore.
Help a brother out. Am I going crazy?