I (27M) have been seeing a girl around my age for a few weeks. We have slept together three times. Each time has been better than the last. It has the be the hottest most intimate sex I’ve ever had in my life, but I can’t cum. She tells me the sex is amazing and she wants to do anything she can to help me.
This has never been a problem for me and I can still finish just fine when masturbating. I’m getting worried she will leave if this keeps happening. I can imagine it’s quite demoralizing for her to go for over an hour and I still can’t cum. Why would this be happening if I’ve never had any issues like that before?
20 comments
Stop watching porn, and stop beating your meat like a little monkey. It’ll be fixed within a week.
Do you jerk off a lot? Do you find yourself getting soft? You could just be in your head about it specially if she’s really hot
Any chance this being totally amazing also makes you VERY nervous?
Refrain from being your meat like it owes you money for a little bit lol. Death script centre is pretty common and “unfortunately” one of the only cures is just regular sex.
Drugs (prescription or recreational) or alcohol involved? More likely to be an issue than porn.
Stop jerking off and watching porn. Bring your standards down to reality.
If you’re masturbating with a death grip then you will struggle.
Why the hell is everyone automatically assuming OP has an issue with masturbating too much? It’s sounding a little shamey in here. Chill out. Once a day is super normal, and I feel bad for those of you who aren’t getting an orgasm a day lmao.
It sounds like you’re just nervous! Explain that to her and I’m sure she’ll be more than understanding. Try to relax and get more comfortable with her. Happy fucking 😂
If you take SSRI drugs for depression that can cause this.
Been there a few times. Mostly mental and will go away after a few times but if youve been going a while with only using your hand youve gotten yourself used to jerking off quickly so your body isnt used to another person do it yet. Like everyone has said, less self pleasure for a bit and you’ll be good
You may be nervous honestly..and like her a lot. Maybe practice edging?
Does she do anal? Maybe a something that applies more pressure to you and does not have as much lube.
Or maybe toys? DP in the vagina using a dildo to add pressure on you…
Would she be into mutual masturbation or watching you finish on her?
Handjob and/or oral from her?
I’m just that if it is nerves and you make it something that works for you once then going forward it will get easier.
You will probably find that just being open and honest with her will make a massive change mentally to your performance.. it takes the stress off if you can communicate openly and if she is really into you she will be willing to work ‘with you’ …. masterbation once a day shouldn’t stop you from reaching orgasm unless it’s to graphic porn that goes way beyond the reality of your real sex life (mental conditioning) … just abstaining behind closed doors probably won’t make much difference becouse it will still leave a chasm of communication between you.
Have a conversation, say how much you are enjoying it but that for some reason your nerves are stopping you from finishing.. admit to her it’s a ‘you’ issue to put her at ease..
Try different things beyond PIV to finish you off… a nice cock massage with oil once she is satisfied etc etc…. Once you settle into being able to come by more familiar methods uou will probably find the barrier drops and things click into place…
Started dating a new guy recently who is amazing but having the same issue, so I’m similarly looking for a solution. If you’re masturbating no more than once a day or so, doesn’t seem that that’s would be the issue. Does it take you a long time to finish when masturbating? You’ve only had sex 3 times so far, so it could be nerves, and the issue might resolve itself soon on its own.
In my case, we’ve had sex ~10 times and he’s never been able to finish inside of me, although he’s mentioned that condoms reduce sensation, and we’ve been using condoms each time, so that might be a big factor. He masturbates once a day, he said, and I’ve noticed that it takes him quite a long time (maybe 15-30 minutes with breaks) to finish when masturbating as well, so not sure if some guys are just wired that way?
I’ve been in similar situations to you, and have some practical advice.
Be honest, say you are loving the experience, and that can’t get over the edge for whatever reason. Ask her if next time when you get to the point where you can’t keep fucking any more, if it would be ok if you masturbate together, or just you jerking off next to her.
It’s a very vulnerable place to be, however no one knows your body better than yourself, and it might be just me, but I have nearly a 100% success rate in making myself orgasm.
For additional tips, make sure that you’re the one with your tip on your hand (pun intended), and doing the main work. Depending on both of your preferences, she can just be there watching, or lend a hand somewhere (chest, legs, balls, kissing, etc).
It helps to be brutally honest and vulnerable. For me it’s usually the first time cumming with someone that’s incredibly difficult, and to this date I still have not figured out why.
Sounds like an anxiety issue. I worked through something similar with my partner who developed a mental erectile dysfunction problem because of anxieties around sex with his ex. We resolved it and the most important thing is to engage in sex with no expectations for you cumming. Gotta take the pressure off and be able to feel like that’s okay. Once you’re both okay with those ground rules, maybe try this. If you can cum while jerking off, can you cum while jerking off in front of your partner? If yes, then just before you cum with your own hands, hand it over to your partner and let her finish you off. Or if even that is too soon (you immediately lose your O when you hand off to your partner) then hand over the action as you’re cumming. Get comfortable with that success then slowly relinquish control earlier to your partner as you get more comfortable. In my case, the first few times, my partner would be jerking himself off while I watched or played with myself. He’d let me know when he was close to cumming and I’d put my hand around his hand – the one which he was masturbating with. I’d let him continue until he said he was cumming and then I’d put my mouth around the head of his penis and let him cum in my mouth while I pushed his hand away so that it was only my hand on his penis. You’ll get to the point where cumming with your partner gets easier and easier but of course your partner will have to be okay, even enthusiastic, with accompanying you on this journey. Little steps.
It could be mental, from either thinking about every aspect (including finishing) too much. Kinda like repeatedly telling yourself you need to fall asleep is counter-productive. Try to go with the flow, experience the sensations, and focus on her more than yourself.
The other mention about friction might be a factor too. You say it’s very intense & maybe she’s feeling that too, getting extremely wet and sensation is reduced. The suggestion for position change is good, but a BJ with hands has always been the quickest route to climax for me.
Mutual masturbation is fun. Ask her where she wants it and get to work.
I think this could be a few things.
One there’s a comment where you say once a day is how much you masturbate. Cut that down to maybe just a few times a week. And if you know for sure you’re gonna have sex with her on say a Friday night. Don’t crank it for 2-3 days before. Or at the very least don’t masturbate that day. To be clear once a day is by no means an absurd amount. I had this problem but I was like 2-3 times a day and deathgripping. But also good practice would be to make sure you’re not going too crazy when you do jerk off. Loosen that grip a bit. Furthermore do you maybe cum a specific way when jerking that is difficult to replicate during sex? Say you focus on one part or a specific tempo or a weird grip (not necessarily death grip). If so try to masturbate “normally” for a little bit. More similar to the tempo and style of actual sex.
Similar to the death grip problem… whether you death grip or not I’ve had this problem before and maybe you are experiencing something similar. If the sex is as good as you say, especially for her, maybe she’s getting tooooo wet. I don’t have a thin dick but it isn’t exactly a coke can either and when a girl is too wet it still feels great but the friction that generally gets me to cum isn’t there. I’ve found some positions like “drain” the wetness better, such as doggy. You could also use your hand or a towel to take some of it away. I know this is a “lobster to buttery, steak to juicy” scenario but if you are even on the slightly above average side of girth let alone below average, too wet is definitely an issue that can happen. Not crazy common but certainly possible. Also if you do need crazy friction try positions with her legs closed as opposed to spread.
Lastly… you’re nervous. I’ve had this happen. I’ve had this happen to partners. We get in our own head. Maybe you like her a lot, maybe there’s pressure to perform, maybe you’re liking it so much and expecting that perfect ending. Who knows. But next time you go at it, go in wanting to have sex, wanting to make her feel good but not necessarily wanting to cum. I know it won’t feel “complete” in a way but you’ve now both created an expectation for yourself and inserted an expectation for her whether she believes it or not. If you feel you can’t come, aren’t even coming close or would have to do something outrageous to get there stop. Check her visual and vocal cues I can usually tell when my partners are about done with me I’ve gotten to a point where I can just cum now but when I couldn’t I’ll stop or communicate it. See if she’d be ok finishing you off, or watching you masturbate. Some think that’s weird but I’ve had partners who love watching it while whispering in your ear or helping you a bit. And I find cumming with them helping is still worlds better than a solo sesh. If she wants to help, let her help in any way. But drill it into her that it’s not her it’s you. She might believe you she might not but atleast you tried.
But regardless not cumming is not the worst thing in the world. Women do it all the time lmao (I joke but it’s unfortunately true). Take the pressure off the next few times and I promise you’ll get out of your head.
Good luck, you’ll be alright 🫡
Edit: oh lastly, if you wear condoms…. Dear good switch to one that fits and a good one. I had to go through 4-5 brands before I found one that I could reliably feel good and cum in.
Are you sure she cares that she makes you finish vs you just finishing yourself off? It’s not like it directly impacts her physical pleasure.