Upset my wife badly
So we've had some issues and they've built up over the ten plus years of our relationship. Mainly it involves doing what I want or feel I should do instead of working as a team. I don't remember conversations too well and sometimes when having an argument change the narrative of what really happened.
Two examples from this year that have really driven a wedge in our marriage…
1. In the spring, we had a load of drain flies infest our house. She wanted to use fly tape and vinegar traps to get rid of them, but I didn't think it was very effective at the time. I went and bought a spray bottle of fly killer and went crazy in the kitchen with it. It made a greasy mess everywhere. Also couldve hurt the many pets my wife has(cat, dogs, birds, rabbits, guinea pigs). She still is angry because I went off and did my own thing and didn't consider her feelings on the topic. The kitchen is still not back to where it should be yet. She doesn't want me helping her out there since I messed it up. I also lied to her about how some of her plants in the kitchen got spray on them. Stupid of me, yes.
2. We've been having a flea issue. This year was bad with fleas. They were biting my youngest son and wife leaving marks on their legs. I suggested flea powder and spray and she said she wanted to research it. She's been sick to the point of sleeping most of the days away in this last week. I researched online reviews of a specific flea powder to use on some rugs we have in our outside porch. The outside porch has had a load of barn cats and kittens living in it for the last couple months and they brought fleas into the porch with them. My wife is a huge animal lover so she didn't see a problem with them being in there, even with the fleas and that some of them were pooping on objects in the porch. There's a hole in the floor near the door and they just pop in and out through that hole. On Saturday I used the flea powder and let it sit out there overnight and she thinks that the barn cats may be sick because she hasn't seen a few of them in the last 2 days. She also was upset that her dogs walked over the rugs in the porch on two occasions to get outside. The label on the can said don't let people or animals walk on the powder. I didn't read down the label far enough to see that or I may have just said who cares I'll take the risk. I don't recall honestly. In any event she is very angry and mentioned the D word and she's checking out on us for now.
She asked me what would you do in my situation, especially if you keep getting hurt over and over. I said I'd keep trying to get better and not give up on us. How would any of you guys answer this question? She didn't particularly like my answer and she wants something from me that might help her get past this maybe? I do love her and respect her. I just don't always agree with her and I'm nonconfrontational, where she is the opposite. Any advice is greatly appreciated.