Hello,
For context, I 24M have been dating my girlfriend 23F for three years and I love her so much. We have the best conversations and she is very conventionally attractive. On top of this, we have the same values for family and morals. We are sexually and emotionally compatible, and have not fought much in the past. Although we're both introverted, she prefers to stay at home instead of going out and usually I go out to cafes, hikes, work out, and explore the city by myself because she's tired all the time. She's a bit of a homebody and prefers to play videogames instead of do anything else.
For as long as we’ve been dating, my girlfriend has been very avoidant and passive, dropping out of school because it was too hard. Recently she's been trying to get a job, scheduling some interviews, but half the time she flakes on them out of her avoidant tendencies. I have never made her feel like a financial liability and her goal of finding a job is out of her own self respect. She has expressed to me that her anxiety makes her avoidant, and she ultimately finds a way to "escape" by playing videogames for most of the day instead of doing anything productive.
Although I don't live with her, our lifestyles are not compatible. She usually stays up until 4-7 AM playing videogames, and that's usually when I wake up. She gets on average 100 steps a day and eats doordash food instead of cooking. I told her that she should try to fix these tendencies and go to the gym out of concern for her health. She usually says she will "work on it" but so far, I have seen a little effort but it doesn't last very long. She knows what she needs to improve and promises she will stop acting like this when we move in together. However, as an avoidant person, I notice that she is not very good at following through with her promises and commitments, i.e. the job interviews. Right now, it seems like the only thing she does is hang out with me, talk to her online friends during videogame sessions, and sleep. I suggested that she see a psychiatrist or therapist or something but either she just doesn’t feel like she needs it or she’s too lazy to follow through with actually getting one.
I pay for everything we do since she doesn't have the ability to pay for herself, the dates, the trips, even her Doordash orders. I can support her financially because I make a good living in tech. Sometimes I wonder if im enabling her behavior by supporting her like this.
Is it possible to get her to change her unhealthy lifestyle habits without leaving her? Or is it just a fundamental compatibility issue and she deserves someone that will accept her for who she is?