I just want to preface this by saying that I’m not against treating my girlfriend or paying for things I already do that most of the time. But lately I’ve been feeling a bit uncomfortable about how things are going, and I wanted to get some outside perspective.
We’ve been dating for almost two years. I still live with my parents, and she lives on her own. Every now and then, she’ll ask me to get her gifts like a new dress, flowers, or little things here and there. I don’t mind doing nice things for her, but sometimes it feels like what I do for her goes a bit unnoticed or unappreciated.
For example, not too long ago she was struggling with bills and rent, so I sent her $600 to help out. She initially sent it back, saying she didn’t want to rely on my money, but I insisted because I genuinely wanted to support her so I sent it again. She accepted it, but never really thanked me or even acknowledged it after that.
A few weeks later, she playfully asked if I’d buy her a new dress for a wedding we’re attending (she already has plenty). I said no this time, and she replied, “Well, you earn more than me and you don’t pay rent, so…” I reminded her that I had literally just helped her with rent money, and she brushed it off saying, “That’s different, that’s for bills and stuff.”
It just rubbed me the wrong way like the gesture meant nothing and she’s started to expect more instead of appreciating what I’ve already done.
There was also a weird moment recently. I took her out to a pretty expensive restaurant, and another night I was over at her apartment for dinner. Before I came over, she asked if I wanted anything from the shops, and I just said a bottle of orange juice. When I got there, we were cooking together (I usually do most of the cooking), and she started talking about one of her friends on Instagram whose boyfriend had surprised her with flowers.
She gave me that playful “take the hint” look, and I laughed and said, “I already spoil you anyway.” But she replied, completely serious, “Yeah! So do I! I just bought you an orange juice.”
It threw me off a bit like she genuinely thought that was on the same level.
Am I overreacting or is it fair to feel a bit unappreciated here?
TL;DR: I helped my girlfriend with $600 for her rent, she didn’t really thank me, and later teased me about not buying her a new dress. Starting to feel like what I do for her isn’t appreciated, and I’m not sure if I’m overthinking it.