Hi, I am a 28y old woman with Complex PTSD and since 8 months am in a relationship with a wonderful man(44). have noticed a pattern with myself. I can sometimes feel completely dissociated from him and our relationship and just feel nothing for it other than discomfort and a bit of anxiety. This can sometimes last for days. Other times I completely love and adore him.
Our situation is not perfect as we are in a long distance and with a 16y age gap which already brings enough anxiety for me, but I believe my dissasociation does not necessarily have to do a lot with this. I feel it the most when he is actually with me instead of at a distance. It's like my feelings just switch off and I find it extremely annoying and confusing, because it is hard to tell to what degree this is trauma based or whether I simply don't like him enough. I am not satisfied with the latter because when we first started connecting I felt completely crazily in love and had actually never felt such crazy attraction for any man before.
I would like to know if any of you WITH CPTSD also experience this dissasociation from time to time or whether it is abnormal.
TL;DR Asking whether disassociating from a relationship and feelings towards partner, sometimes for long periods of time, is normal with complex ptsd. I am not seeking advice from anyone who does not have this condition.