tl;dr Me 39F and my boyfriend 48M 7 year relationship and bad communication coupled with health issues led to affair. Looking for advise.7 year itch or doomed?
Me 39F and my boyfriend 48M have been in a relationship for 7 years. We have had issues for the last year. Unfortunately we are the king and queen of avoidance.
I found out last week he cheated. We got into an argument and he told me he loves me but hasn't been in love with me nor been happy for a few years. It feels like he resents me for the things/time/effort because it makes him feel trapped.
He is a very fit, active attractive man. I was never fit but had always had a good shape- that was until perimenopause (which I didn't know existed) along with its depression and wrong meds had me balloon from 135lbs to 180lbs. I now feel atrocious and I'm trying to get ahold of my health but it's been going on over a year. I also did get lazy with physical activity as I go in waves. We've had a dead bedroom for that year thanks to my self esteem being in the gutter. But I would try to initiate and he just wants attracted to me.
He told in the middle of the hundreds of messages that I went through he told the affair partner 20 F "How could I not love you" in with all the sex talk. She said something along the lines of "You might run away if I say what I'm feeling."
When I found the messages I found her on FB and told her. She said she would've never talked to him of she knew and that she was sorry. However, with how he's acting I feel she may still be talking to him at the very least.
I have dedicated myself to this man and family. I love him with everything. We have this house at least until the lease ends in April.
I've come to realize I get clingy and needy when I'm afraid and it's having an affect of him being annoyed and probably overwhelmed.
I will be devastated if I have to let him go and have been throwing myself into the gym to deal with the crippling anxiety over this and trying to give him some space.
I want to know if there is anything you can think of that I can do that won't overwhelm him?