Hi Reddit, I need to get this off my chest because I feel completely broken.
I’m 25F and my boyfriend is 27M, we’ve been together for a year now.
Yesterday, my boyfriend and I went to a mall. He walked ahead or beside me most of the time and when I tried to hold his hand, he said no explaining it’s because he didn’t want to draw attention to us. Even though I understand that, it still hurt.
Then, a kid selling flowers said, “Here comes the man who will buy his girl a flower.” My boyfriend replied that he wouldn’t, and when the kid asked why, he said something like, “Even if she’s the last one on Earth, I wouldn’t buy her a flower.” I don’t know if he meant the flower or me, but either way, it crushed me.
I tried to smile in front of people, but once we were alone, I cried. He apologized multiple times saying he just wanted to avoid the kid and tried to hold my hand, but I couldn’t respond — the hurt was too deep. I told him it wasn’t about the flower; it was about how his words made me feel and if he just wanted to avoid him why didn’t he stay silent.
Since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I keep questioning myself: Does he truly want me? Am I just someone in his life? Why did he refuse to hold my hand in public? I still love him, but this moment has made me feel small, humiliated, and broken.
I don’t know how to process this. I just want to feel safe and loved.
TL;DR: My boyfriend refused to hold my hand in public and, when a kid selling flowers asked if he’d buy me one, he said “Even if she’s the last one on Earth, I wouldn’t buy her a flower.” I felt humiliated and heartbroken, and now I can’t stop questioning if he truly loves me or values me.