Hey! So me and a few friends went to Brazil in June for a wedding. I rented a place with one of my close friends in the trip. I was in a bad headspace, and I was on a PIP at the time, so not good. I was irritable and I was, honestly, acting very out of character and being negative. I travelled from US to Colombia to Brazil with this buddy.
Obviously wasn’t very good for my friend – who wants to deal with that. A few months on we’ve only hung out once and I honestly don’t really text him and vice versa. Like there are some texts, but clearly we ain’t close anymore.
Always had a feeling it was due to my negativity – and for the record I did get sick out there so already in a bad headspace + irritsbiity.
It was small stuff that was back and forth like wanting my phone charger to charge all his devices when my phone is dying, me giving attitude wanting to borrow my hangars that are in use etc. just stuff that in a better headspace I’d be fine with or handle better. I’m for sure in the wrong here – but that’s not to say they are entirely innocent either. They are a bit reckless.
Another buddy asked him if we are close still and he said there’s no problem but just too much negativity from Brazil was off putting which I get and honestly don’t blame him for being like you know what that’s too much for me.
I did apologize once by saying sorry for how I acted wasn’t okay for me, but I was also going through the roughest patch of my life. Which wasn’t met with acknowledgment or a further elaboration on their end either.
That other buddy did hang out with me today and said it’s up to me if I want to rekindle or just stay friend but not close anymore with the other Freind. He said I should set up a meetup between me and him and just apologize and see how he felt and mend.
I already knew deep down that was the reason and it musta been bad if that’s the case – I can’t deny that I was acting not good and clearly it’s not something I can be proud of. How do you deal with shame and fallout?
Tl;dr: was being a negative Nancy due to being in a bad headspace and hard place in life. Drove a wedge in a close friendship. Am ashamed, and want advice on processing and maybe seeking closure.