My partner (28F) and I (27M) have been seeing a couples therapist for about 4 months. We recently had a fight, and I’m trying to get an outside perspective on whether the therapist’s response was fair and balanced.
Here’s how our fight went:
My partner went out with coworkers to a bar and had been drinking. I offered to pick her up, but she insisted she was okay to drive. Later, when she called me on FaceTime, I noticed she was slurring her words and likely not okay to drive. I told her, "You’re drunk," which led to her getting upset and raising her voice. She then cursed at me, and I ended the call.
She called me repeatedly afterward, but I didn’t answer. I texted her saying, “We can talk in the morning,” as I was upset about the situation.
She kept calling and texting repeatedly, maybe 30-40 times. She also sent insults like “You’re a bitch” and “You’re a fucking loser” and “I hate this relationship,” along with breaking up with me.
She then came to my house, jumped my backyard fence, and demanded I talk to her through my bedroom window. She threatened to never speak to me again if I didn’t come outside, and eventually, I told her to leave, which she did.
The next morning, we spoke, apologized, and eventually made up.
She frequently behaves like this during fights—while completely sober. This is not a result of her being drunk, she just happened to be drunk this time.
The Therapy Session:
A week later, we discussed the situation in therapy. The therapist heard both of our sides.
He mainly focused on my timing—suggesting I should have waited until my partner was sober to bring up the issue. I agree with this point and recognize that it may have been a smarter approach.
However, the therapist didn’t address the behavior from my partner, like the insults, the threats to break up, or the fact that she came to my house uninvited and jumped the fence to confront me.
The only thing the therapist mentioned regarding my partner’s behavior was that drunk driving was dangerous. Even that part seemed quickly glossed over.
I feel like I was criticized for my timing, but my partner’s actions weren’t addressed in a similar way. This isn’t the first time I’ve felt like our therapist is more critical of me in sessions.
What are your thoughts?