My ex and I met three years ago. We dated for a year, broke up due to external pressures, stayed in touch, became intimate, remained close. Earlier this year she told me there couldn't be anything romantic between us (because there was so much confusion about what we were), but soon after she got back in touch and I was again taking her and her child places and enjoying her company albeit maintaining my boundaries not wanting to cause further distress by complicating things. I suppressed my feelings towards her and did not appreciate what I had.
I think I had resolved to let her move on and meet someone in a better place than me, told myself I would feel happy for her and her child to meet someone with more stability etc. I was complacent, unappreciative, even uncaring, probably made her feel unattractive (pretending I wasn't still madly attracted to her) and unwanted.
This summer she went on a brief holiday, which she had mentioned she was thinking about and which I didn't treat seriously or follow up (our budgets are tight) – she was inviting me and I dropped the ball. Last month she asked me to drive her to the airport without her child. I was so stupid, I don't know why, I didn't even ask where she was going for a weekend holiday. On the way back in the car she mentioned a "friend" and I assumed a female since she keeps in touch with a couple of girls in different countries and had made it clear she doesn't want to live anywhere except the country we're in. Last week she asked for another ride there and on the way I asked about this friend and it turns out it's a guy she met on holiday and is in a LDR with, staying at his place.
I went quiet, then told her I couldn't give her a ride like this again. She said okay. I told her I was disappointed and felt she was using me to help her go sleep with some guy. She told me I was just her friend suggesting I shouldn't care. It ended on a bad note, I couldn't even look at her as she left my vehicle. I then told her not to contact me again, but reflected and concluded she may really have put any feelings for me aside and decided to move on. I felt humiliated for agreeing to wake up at 4am two different weekends to drive her to the airport and then driving to pick her up the first time, but I got the impression she didn't care how I felt, which I guess is understandable at this point. All my suppressed feelings for her are now emerging.
Now I'm reeling, seeing all her finer qualities and realizing that in the end she was more mature than I, more practical, and decided to move on as any sane person in her position would whether it's a relationship or a brief fling to feel better about herself. I've resolved not to contact her again but if I could back a year I would make such a better attempt to give our relationship the serious effort it deserved.
tl;dr: unknowingly drove my ex to meet her new guy