I went on a first date with a girl and while we were sitting down and talking. I asked her if i could kiss her. she responded saying along the lines of why did i ask or feel like i had to ask. i was surprised because i have been rejected trying to just “go for it” kiss and i want consent more than anything. We proceeded to kiss after she said that and the kiss was fire. the rest of the date went well and we are still talking but im wondering if men should just go for the kiss everytime and not ask for consent or keep asking just know some will be like “why you asking?”
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I think it’s always best to ask first if it’s a first kiss, especially if it’s at an unexpected moment during the date (like while talking)
DO NOT JUST GO FOR A KISS WITHOUT CONSENT!
You were with someone who was into it and okay with it, but not everyone will be and you should never assume especially when it’s your first time with them. You were right to ask first even if she would’ve been fine if you didn’t.
It’s all about the vibe and connection between the both of you. I have never been they type to kiss on a first date because i am not comfortable know the individual yet, but i have. All women are different but operate off emotions.
Personally if I have to ask ie the vibe isn’t there I’d rather not go for it. I want to be 100% sure that we both want it. Assuming there’s laughs touching hands/ arm touches teasing and just good lighthearted vibes. If I’m unsure I’d rather wait for a future date then ask for consent (no that asking is bad it’s just personally I think it’s awkward and if I’m unsure I’d rather be cautious)
Yeah, despite the vast lamentations about hysterical amounts of 24/7 verbal consent, ask any guy that fucked and dated even just a bit:
Women do not like to get asked for permission, or, let’s say, they find it considerably more exciting, more manly, more fun and more of everyhing if the guy can read her nonverbal ‘consent’. Meaning, she sits close to him on a date, her body language is open, she smiles into his eyes, laughs about his jokes, play punches him and shit, blushes, faces him with her upper body, looks again and again…..
I mean, you feel that.
Honestly, there is no reason to ask verbally. Women will show you whether they are attracted and also feel safe enough.
What she told you was:
I would’ve like it more if you just went for it, im obviously attracted to you.
there isn’t one correct strategy for all women.
socially conservative women will expect you to know based on body language whereas progressive feminist women prefer to be asked for explicit verbal consent.
by the end of the date you should have some idea of which one she is.
It’s a question of vibe. If she’s all over you and being playful it means that you’ve reached the milestone. You can kiss. Women aren’t toddlers. They don’t just happen to stumble all over you by accident. Physical contact is initiated. It’s something you escalate throughout the date starting from a light touch as your hands and legs pass by to then hand holding, an arm behind their shoulders and finally just going for it both of you because you want to be all over each other.
I have always just went for it based on the vibe. I’ve had a handful of pull backs countered by so many wins.
How do you know if it’s a good idea to kiss her on a first date?
If it’s the first time, I prefer if the guy asks. It’s cute. I don’t know why she reacted this way… next time just grab her and kiss her since u have her consent
Without knowing anything else about the situation, I’d speculate she just panicked at the moment. But could be something else, we can’t know.
Clearly there are people who don’t understand the absence of feeling, so asking is better. Or at least start by touching the arm or hand rather than kissing without warning. I already went on a date where the guy moved next to me to show me a video and he stayed there afterwards. I clearly wondered if he was going to kiss me by force and I went to the bathroom to escape from there.
What you’ve recollected is precisely why we ask: it’s better to ask for permission than ask for forgiveness.
My wife found it endearing and respectful that I asked the first time.
If someone gets upset that ask rather than trying to read their mind to know if they consent, I wouldn’t bother. I can’t deal with this “just know what I’m okay with” mentality people have.
Because you can think someone wants it, and be right 95% of the time. It’s no reason to fuck up the last 5%.
Bro sometimes people are hard to read. Some give blatant body language they are ready and others don’t. One time this girl came over and I was trying to be respectful. And she just goes “soooo, are you going to fuck me” i was like well damn. Yes i am. lol You just never know.
Totally ok to ask
As a woman, it’s a real catch 22, because I have received MANY kisses I did not want or was totally unprepared for on dates, but asking for a kiss can be a bit of a buzzkill and can still put the girl in an awkward position if she’s not feeling it, although then she at least has the opportunity to say no. But if I had to choose between the two, I would definitely rather a guy ask when I’d rather he just kiss me versus go for the kiss when I don’t want it. Either way, I wouldn’t do it unless there is overwhelming chemistry and you’re quite certain she’s feeling the same vibe you are. And while they’re exceptions, I generally don’t feel ready to kiss somebody after the first date. And if he did ask, I wouldn’t give him a hard time about it and if I was feeling it, I would probably think it was sweet.
I wanna be asked 🥹
You did the right thing. Especially for a first date!
I love it when men ask ”can I kiss you” ”can I touch you” etc etc. Most men I’ve gone on dates with have asked me if they can first off even touch me. I find it so endearing and reassuring that nothing bad is going to happen (most likely).
Maybe she just wasn’t used to it. The first time I hung out with a man who asked if he has the permission to touch (when I asked him to feel the material of my top on the side) I was a bit taken aback but ever since then I love it when men do.
Idk why the hell everyone is saying ”women don’t like it, it’s about mood.” No no no, vast majority will like it and even if they are bit shocked at first they will at the very least appreciate you asked.
You can kinda get around this a bit by making it more of an affirmative “I want to” rather than asking in my experience, which granted isn’t much.
I’ve never asked, most women I’ve dated never wanted to be asked…I’ve always waited til I pretty much knew it was good, which often meant not on the first date…but when the mood felt right. Sometimes we’re just at each others house staring at each other and we lean in, last time was in an elevator, that actually was a first date that randomly turned into an overnight date. Asking is cool but a lot of women (despite what Reddit tells you) will find it weird.
There’s not a right time and I’ve probably waited too long in certain situations, I know I have because I’ve need asked…”why didn’t you just kiss me”…I trust my vibe and in life experience…it’s served me well…just back yourself and feel you’ve read the room…which is a skill in itself. Like most things, there’s no set way of doing things, despite ppl insisting that their way is the only way
Well, both. I think it’s appealing (and respectful) if a guy asks, but it depends on how he asks. It can also be exciting if he just goes for it, but only if the chemistry is palpable. Since this was a first date, it makes sense that you’d ask. You can also do other things to test the water, like kiss her hand or stroke her hair. If she leans in or gives you googly eyes when you do that, then you’re probably clear for landing.
im a woman and my current bf asked if he could kiss me on our first date and i found it
endearing.
i thought it was super considerate of him to ask for consent and ask about my comfort level for a first kiss when i barely knew him.
personally, i think its safer to ask since some women might put up a facade, but everyones different. i think it was nice of you to ask. 🙂
Thing is, girls might have different opinions about it but you never lose out on anything by asking them for consent, no matter the degree of physicality involved: if you ask and she understands why, well done to both of you; if you ask and she scratches her head, well, you eventually laugh it off (if she likes you back it won’t matter much anyway)
If you DON’T ask, however, you run the risk of severely messing things up and coming off as a sexual offender. Better safe than sorry, so props for doing the right thing!
I had a guy ask to kiss me last night (after I clearly grabbed his hand and said let’s go back to my place) and it gave me cute little butterflies that he was gentleman enough to ask. Then he told me how much he wanted to kiss me all night and was nervous. Dump this girl lol
Don’t ask for a kiss. Just say “kiss me “. You would be amazed how effective that is
I think men asking permission to kiss is super hot. Gets me fired up every time.
The real trick: you gotta wait for a moment with serious chemistry. Wait until she’s looking at you with a twinkle in her eye and you’re kind of within range and have a little privacy. The car is good; sitting on a couch is good. It has to feel like you’ve both already made subtle steps in that direction. Then it’s natural to say “I want to kiss you.” Sometimes you don’t have to. Sometimes *she’ll* kiss *you.* But if I’ve never said this and embarrassed myself except when I was drunk and in college and talking to a girl I had zero reason to think she would expect or want to kiss me. It’s about how set the stage already is.
Something in between going for it and asking permission is what I did when I kissed my wife for the first time. We were obviously heading toward spending the night together anyway, but I said, “I’m going to kiss you now.” She told me later that she appreciated that I said it that way because it was more confident than asking but still gave her an out if she didn’t want it. We had sex all weekend after that, so it went well 🤣
Asking permission before a first kiss is something I did for a long time before getting married. It’s respectful, and it’s a great way to dodge the chance you’re misreading signs or something. Lots of people will flirt with no intention of doing anything more than that.
You did the right thing. I definitely appreciate it when a man asks. I’ve had many men read my body language wrong and kiss me when I didn’t want to. Also, even if i’m into someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m ready for that yet. For all I know, maybe my body language IS indicating it even though my brain isn’t yet ready for it. I have trauma around kissing and I am sure I’m not the only woman who does.
And for anyone who may be confused how someone could ever have trauma around kissing? Well, most women who have ever been assaulted or raped while on a date can tell you that it started with the man kissing you without consent. Meaning that in those women’s future of dating, they especially aren’t feeling great when you kiss them without consent. They’re also probably not close enough with you to have disclosed that trauma.
Also, as a reminder, it’s 1 in 5 women who have been raped or had it attempted, and 1 in 3 who have experienced some form of sexual violence. In case any man may be wondering what the chances are that he ends up on a date with one of those women unknowingly.
Ask permission before you touch someone .