my husband (30m) and I (30f) got married in May 2024 in Australia, we decided after being together 4 years (living together 2) and receiving monetary gifts for our wedding that we would pool our finances. I am more of a saver and planner and he doesn't really do that. He was in a few thousand of debt when I knew him as a friend before we got together but he paid it off.
After we got engaged we decided to go and live in Europe and he would study his master's through a European university semi-online (he only has 3-5 contact days a study period). At this time, my dad was also diagnosed with terminal cancer. I worked through it making sure to regularly save 30% at least of every paycheck to give us a cushion for Europe after the wedding. He saved but didn't seem to have a structured plan and made a few questionable purchases he never used (grill, bidet, nothing crazy).
We flew to Europe in August 24 and I had to come home in September 24 to be with my dad before he passed in October. Husband also came back briefly but had to return to Europe for exams. This drained our finances by some which is fine, worthy cause. I stayed and helped my mum and recovered until January 25. During January my husband really wanted to go to a festival in Barcelona and I said I think it's too expensive. He convinced me because it was a once in a lifetime experience but I said he needed to book it all.
So months pass and I'm still in deep mourning over my dad which is made harder by my reduced support network and I can no longer afford therapy due to our finances. In June I start getting upset because I need to know if he has a line where too much of our savings has been spent and we go home. He makes it up on the spot but says he will stick to it. I start to emerge out of mourning in a bit of a panic about our cash flow and start looking for work, getting a few hours here and there with babysitting. He still hasn't gotten a job.
He waits until June to book the accomodations for the festival which makes it more expensive with less choice. Then we find out that our return festival flights in July have been booked on the the wrong day, we have to change them and book an extra night of accomodations which is additional expense. At this point his parents very generously give us an extra boost of cash so we don't sink so much into this one week.
By the time the festival finishes and we're back home I start putting together dog walking and dog sitting clients for him through multiple websites which is now what he does about 3 hours every weekday plus dog sitting people's houses which I help with.
At the moment, we have good enough income which is majority made by me. I make a pretty good hourly wage for someone in my position. Last week he lost his phone and we bought a new one for €200. We are going back to Australia for the summer and I wanted to buy some cute new clothes secondhand but we don't have it in the budget anymore. I'm finding it hard to not resent the additional costs of his mistakes but I really do love him very much and I trust he will make it up to me when he graduates into his high paying career.
TLDR: My husband can be irresponsible with money and it's clashing with my money anxiety.
What can I do to feel less upset, trust him more, and recognise this is just season of life and later we will in a more stable position?