Hey reddit I need some advice. Me 18M and my girlfriend 19F, moved 1200 miles away from home for college. I got a scholarship and she got a bunch of fafsa money so we moved. We've been out here for 3 months and I love it out here. I love the people the landscape, the small town we live in. But since the minute we've moved out here she's been unhappy. Which is TOTALLY understandable it's a big change. I figured after she got friends and a stable job she would like it. But now she has all those things and we have our own apartment it's great. But she seems miserable, tells me often how much she hates this state. And I'm starting to realize that for me the hardest part of moving so far away isn't that I don't get to see my family or my friends, it's not that college is kicking my ass, it's not that we have to fend for ourselves out here. It's her… I love her so much and i don't know what I would do without her but it's hard everyday hearing how much she hates it here. It feels like my fault and I don't know what to do. Do I just drop everything? My spot on the sports team I'm a part of and the education I'm very passionate about?
8 comments
It’s not your fault and you don’t drop anything. Sometimes things just don’t work out for everyone and that sucks but that doesn’t make it your fault. If you drop your spot on the team and your education for a girlfriend you had as a teenager you’ll never forgive yourself. And you’ll likely resent her, too.
I did this at your age. We had the same problem. She ended up dropping out and moving back home to finish her degree and we broke up. It was the best thing for us both. The sad reality is that if she’s miserable and needs a change and your happy and growing and thriving then you won’t be a happy couple even if you move back home with her because you’ll be giving up your growth for regression and resentment that you left a place you were happy. You both want different things. Go do different things and maybe you’ll reconnect one day, maybe not.
I think you two should sit down and talk about this in detail. I don’t know if you’ve done that before, but ask her why she doesn’t like it there, and then ask if she can change how she feels about it. If her answer is yes, then think together about how you can make that happen. Communication is the key to finding a solution, my friend.
Its probably just a normal depression people get when a lot of changes are happening in a small amount of time and they are not used to it. She will move on eventually and start being normal depression last between 3-9 months usually.
Let her go home. Time will heal, new more compatible loves are waiting. Enjoy your life😊
I got married at that age and we moved halfway around the world. She was the same, she was “MISERABLE” unlike your gf my wife did not want to work or make friends of her own, she just wanted to go straight to having babies. I enjoyed the location, but it was also miserable, as she made it so.
The moral of the story is that if she is unhappy, find out what she wants, what will make he happy. If going back to the city or town where you guys lived then I would say let her go. There is no amount of coddling that you can do that will change the situation. If she is homesick and missing mommy and daddy, she isn’t as grown as she thought she was. Your parents will always be there for you and hers for her as long as they are alive. Each of you needs to make your own pathway and find the life you truly desire.
Just because you were HS sweethearts doesn’t mean you have to stay together. You can separate, date and live your life. Just because your paths diverge doesn’t mean it won’t intersect if you two were meant to be together.
You’re so young. You’re going to meet some amazing women in college and after college. Your high school relationship doesn’t have to be your long-term relationship. Maybe this is a good sign that she’s not the person for you.
She needs to make her own decision. If she wants to move home, she should. You should stay in school where you are. You are two teenagers who should be making your college decisions about what’s best for you, not about a teenage boyfriend or girlfriend.