In my few past relationships, my inability to show affection (sometimes in private) but mainly in public really weighs in on its longevity. For example, my current boyfriend will sometimes in front of our friends will lay on my shoulder or try to hold my hand, and it makes my whole body tense and I just want to leave. I find any excuse to sit somewhere else or go with one of my friends. In private where no one's around it's usually better. In public it makes me want to physically recoil and I cannot deal with it. I feel terribly guilty because most people my age love to flaunt it and act gross in public, so I don’t want him to think it’s a matter of me being embarrassed of him or something. It's made me closed off in general and I'm not sure how to fix it. He's a very good guy and I don't want to hurt him, but I think it's very much rooted in my own insecurities that I've had for a very long time.