Repost with throwaway account.
I've been with my girlfriend for a few months now and she's great. She's really funny, smart, and I just love spending time with her and I try my best to always make sure she feels appreciated and cared for. However, lately there's been a trend where something will set her off but instead of opening up and talking about it, she bottles it up because she thinks it's something small and that she's overreacting but I can always tell when something is wrong. I've told her before that I'd rather have those conversations than not at all because even if its a small thing, I care about what upsets her. This most recent time though, she admitted to me that anytime something like that happens she keeps a tally mark in her head about it and essentially beats herself up about it. She's worried that the more these things happen and the more difficult conversations we have, eventually I'll get sick of it and leave. I know she has abandonment issues but like I said, I'm all for these convos whether it's big or small, I just think she's overly hard on herself. I tell her all the time that I care a lot about her and that she's worth the effort. She said that she doesn't think she'll never not be that way and she hates it and not knowing what I could say to make her feel better, I eventually said she should go back to therapy. I probably could've worded it a little better. She said that my comment hurts because it's confirmation to her that I think something is wrong with her. I reiterated that I wasn't trying to hurt her and that I just don't know how to help her. It sucks hearing someone you love be so unkind to themselves and also be adamant that they can't change. We just got off the phone a few minutes ago and we were both crying. I would really appreciate any perspective on the situation.
Also just for further context, I'm her first real boyfriend but I've been in long term relationships before. I bring this up because I do feel like since being in a relationship is new to her, she gets stressed a lot easier.