I've met a dozen women off hinge lately, and they've mostly all been disappointing. No spark, not what I expected, or just something weird (one girl was super quiet for no apparent reason).
Then I finally met someone who I actually liked. We went out for drinks and talked for 6 hours. Then we made out in her car for 2 hours and then she came home with me, we slept together, and went out for lunch the next day and it ended up being a 24 hour date. We were both excited to see each other again.
We met up a second time a few days later, and it was solid, but just not amazing and a ton of fun. We went to a museum then a movie, and then dinner. We slept together and it was ok, then we were a bit too lazy the next morning, and missed a fitness class I go to sometimes, then we didn't know what to do, so we parted ways.
Maybe we talked about everything we could the first date? Maybe I was tired? Maybe she was tired? Who knows?
She also had just moved and had friends in town so she had a lot on her mind and I could feel that.
We had tentative 3rd date plans, but she cancelled because she had too much stuff to do (understandable). I offered to help, but was rejected.
A few days later, she texts me and says we should just be friends. I expected this, but I'm still bummed. It hurts because I liked her and felt we had a chance, and nothing bad happened, but also I don't want to force it. Maybe we weren't gonna fall in love, but I felt like this could be a slow burn.
10 comments
Sorry. Relationships and love is so difficult right now. I’ve got nothing else. Wishing you the best, stay strong, and remember to love yourself.
It feels to me like the first 24 hours amazing date set off unrealistic expectations for the second one.
Usually when things start off very strong, also fail very quickly. That’s why people usually advise to go slowly… and to slowly progress date by date… sleeping together on the first date is ALWAYS a bad idea!
It’s normal to sometimes not find things to do or just end up hanging out – it can’t always be exciting with a ton of stuff to do. But you should always enjoy each other, no matter what.
Looks to me like you jumped in too quickly with the 24hours date and left not much to discover.
Sorry you went through this!! But I agree with one of the other comments.
Im guilty of indulging in a few amazing/intense marathon first dates in my life, no regrets haha. But at the same time it builds a false sense of intimacy and can be hard to match the energy afterwards.
When I started dating more intentionally, I made a conscious decision to keep the first few dates on the shorter side… Even though I definitely didn’t want to at times 😅
Good Luck!
I think you should consider limiting yourself to two drinks/date until the third date. You note that you went out for drinks for 6 hours and then hooked up. If you’ve been out drinking with someone for 6 hours and hook up, you can’t know anything about that person’s interest in you. All you know is that they got drunk and hooked up with you. If you want something meaningful and serious, it’s helpful to begin that connection sober.
Sounds like you let it go too fast and didn’t leave her with the curiosity to get to know you more. 24 hour date? Nah. Too much, too soon.
Maybe invite her for coffee as friends communicate with her about how you feel.
Could she also be confused after a whirlwind first date and a mediocre second one maybe take a hit apologise if you seemed off or distracted you were tired and you are sorry if it affected the date as women do mirror energy.
Ask her to maybe consider a third date as friends with a look to rethink things after a chance to make it up to her as you dont feel you were at your best own it and be willing to try harder
Obviously it could be that she realised you dont tick all the boxes for a relationship but you do tick them all as a friend and that I cant offer any advice on
lol dude you were just a play , and play the playing field you already see where her head at no need to dwell, just make sure you don’t skip Leg Day and Push Day because if you not that guy for her and you push it then she just gone use you and take away your focus at that
Take it slower, my friend
Stop having sex on the first date, WTF.
Invite her to a meeting. Her words are not her body language. See how the chemistry works. Show her that you don’t need her. Be exciting and give yourself some time.