I (29f) have been dating my boyfriend (32m) for 9 years. We are living together, both have decent jobs and own an acreage with some pets and animals. I feel like we are stuck and I am starting to get resentful.
Initially when we started dating, we came from different towns hours apart and were both broke and in college. But now we have steady jobs and a life but I feel like we’re just stuck and not moving forward. We’ve previously talked about marriage and kids, but the more I try now the more deflective he is about it. As I get closer to 30, I feel like my age as crept up on kids and I want marriage and kids in the next 2 years, especially when I’ve been in a relationship for so long.
I don’t want to avoid the conversation because I think it’s important to talk about but he gets so annoyed and deflective it’s like talking to a wall and I feel like I’m waking on egg shells when I bring it up. He says that women that ask wait longer and it’s the man’s decision of when to propose but I feel like we can’t just ignore and hope anymore. I feel like I’m trying really hard to prepare for the future. I work full time, pay my own bills, invest, look after my body/medications to prep for future kids. I do the pink jobs, and can do the blue jobs too. I don’t think I’m a burden or anything, but it’s starting to feel like it.
His mom was very controlling and micro managing growing up and into his early 20s (a whole other thing) so he has a real issue with any feeling of not having control of his life. But at the same time I want to be a team and take the next steps together, not control him!
How long do I wait before I move on? Is there a better way to bring it up? I feel like I’ve exhausted every option (gently asking, mentioning the future through conversation, asking round about questions, asking direct questions (I might have also had a small melt down about marriage and kids as well when a parent got sick, which I know isn’t ideal but I was going through a lot). I’ve read ultimatums don’t work. I do love him dearly, but I’ve already waited 9 years and I do want marriage and kids. I think it’s just starting to hit me of how old I am, and how my parents are getting older and I want them around for grandkids too.
TL;DR I (29f) have been dating my bf (32m) for 9 years and he has not proposed yet. We live together. I don’t know how long to wait, or how to bring it up as it’s a sensitive subject for him.