This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Had a funny popup on bumble while swiping, for context I’m childfree and wouldn’t ever consider dating anyone that’s not politically on the left so I swipe no a lot on people who want kids or are apolitical-moderate-conservative so it doesn’t take a lot of scrolling to determine basic compatibility.
bumble had a in app notification like ” hey take your time swiping as we use it to determine who to show you” like i appreciate it bumble but I’m sure on those swipes lol.
I thought some of y’all might appreciate that Zohran Mamdani and Rama Duwaji met on Hinge.
They’re just like us.
We got engaged! After 2.5 years together, and over a year living together we are engaged and both sporting our engagement rings (he wanted a band too).
Met on hinge, both were dating again after nearly a decade long relationship with similar exes, and casually dated for a few months, and then got serious. The proposal was not a surprise, we had been planning what our future would look like together, talking through our wants and needs, and then designed and custom ordered our rings.
I’m so happy, and am putting off any planning for the wedding at least until the holidays are mostly done.
Well not even a week after ending things my ex sent an email asking if I was ok because she was so worried.
I ended up unblocking her number and just calling.
She let out regret for not trying, ending things in such a shitty way and not showing up better in our brief relationship, how great I was and didn’t deserve it. I accepted her apology for all of it, just easier than holding on. We did a post-mortem on our relationship and a lot of it came back to her, I gave her 1000 chances to work through things, she would make mountains out of small things like picking her up and driving her home just to see her after a long trip. Made it clear that the lessons learned will have to apply to her next relationship.
She’s not doing too hot, apparently has had a few emergency sessions with her therapist afterwards. I told her that no contact is going to be the best way forward, but that I’d keep her unblocked for the week if she needs.
Truthfully, this makes me feel more solid in standing firm. She’s nowhere close to the partner I want or need right now.
So I (37M) am interested in a coworker(28F) and she knows it, she’s into me too but it’s complicated. We’ve known each other for four years but we’re both married until recently. I have 3 kids, and she has a toddler and is pregnant with her 2nd. We are both going through a divorce. Hers is pretty much completed and I have been separated from my spouse for over a year. We are both definitely done with our past partners. We text ALL the time, it feels like we are falling for each other, as maybe knowing each other is making it move fast, but we have NEVER seen each other outside of work! I want to see her and spend time with her and I think she does too, but she literally never has time to hang out. She’s either at work or with her kid. I’m frustrated bc I could see this being a long term relationship with someone I really vibe with but life is so complicated for us and it seems impossible for us to date in real life! I’m sad!
Today was the first day I wore my winter puffy jacket since he broke up with me back in March. In the pocket I found the hotel key from the trip to Canada we took right before he broke up with me. He later told me he started thinking about breaking up with me about a month before the trip, but didn’t want to “ruin the trip” so he decided to wait until after the trip. The trip was so fun at the time, being as I was unaware he had already checked out of the relationship, but now the memory of it is kind of tainted. But I can tell I’ve healed a lot because I didn’t get sad when I found the hotel key – I just rolled my eyes and threw it away.
I’ve been dating a guy for about 2 months now. He has so many great and unique qualities that are important to me in a long term partner and at this point I’m ready to commit to someone even if they aren’t perfect. But the vibes sometimes feel off when we’re in person, like I’m boring him or he’s distant. He gives me so many words of affirmation to let me know he has fun with me (I’ve told him my concerns) but it doesn’t stop me from feeling this way. Wondering if I just need to ignore this inner anxiety or if it’s a compatibility issue.
Not quite dating related, but I hate that making friends at this age is hard, too. I made friends with someone earlier this year, I bought concert tickets for us bc they said they wanted to go, but now it’s been a few months since we’ve talked (as they are now dating someone). So, I’m trying to offload concert tickets to a show I really really want to see! Because I don’t want to travel there alone/pay for a babysitter for just me. Anyways, thank you for letting me vent!
I’ve been really struggling building a connection with matches I get on the apps. I swiped across this person who loved dogs, and I thought “Great! I love dogs too!”, we matched, we both exchanged a sentence about how much we love dogs, and it just ended there with nothing from either of us.
It’s like, what am I supposed to do, you know? Which is wild to think because I’ve been married before! I’ve done all of this(dating -> getting to know someone -> relationship) before successfully, multiple times! And now I find myself feeling like I’m out of my depth trying to find a connection and make enough of an impact with someone to pique their interest, let alone keep their interest.
Even though I’m missing my ex a little this week & have some small doubts about long term compatibility with the latest person I’ve been on 4 dates with- I got to play basketball with one of the Jonas brothers in my dream last night (I think it was Nick). Is it a sign that me and him are meant to be?? I’m a man but prepared to not let that stop me
Been a couple weeks now since the guy I went on 2 dates with broke things off because he was feeling too burnt out with things and didn’t have time for me. I’m incredibly disappointed because I have never had a relationship, and am incredible picky about men and lean demisexual too, so I need to feel comfortable and safe and friendly with someone before any sexual attraction happens and sometimes romantic attraction too. I was so excited to see where this could go because I saw a lot of potential compatibility between us and felt very comfortable and respected by him. We didn’t even get a chance to move it beyond friendliness because before we scheduled date 3 we both had family/friends coming into town. I’m trying to move on but I’m so stuck in thinking that there could have been something great here if only we’d given it a shot! but I can’t do anything about him and his lifestyle and priorities. I’ve given myself a timeline that in the new year, maybe even later I’ll try reaching out to see how he’s doing, but it really should be on him to reach back out, as I made my interest clear and he made it clear that he needed to set himself up for success before reengaging with dating.
I wish I could stop thinking about him so much. I’m telling myself if it’s meant to be, it will be…. and I can’t rush that OR WAIT around for it to happen.
It’s just so rare that I ever feel this way about someone.
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Something no one told me about dating: how nice it is to randomly tell the cute, hot person you are seeing how cute/hot they are.
So, I met this guy through instagram- I followed him (very innocently- not at all expecting to hear from him or anything… next thing I get a DM from him and off we go).
It’s a bit of a whirlwind- major neuro-chemical trickery and all that comes with heavy chemistry- we’re both over 40 so we’re just walking right into it, seemingly both happy for the apparent stroke of luck.
One of the first things I notice is this habit he has of talking about certain younger females in his life (he calls them friends) very often. Like, mentions them non stop during conversation. Makes a point of showing me each of their instagram profiles, commenting on their attractiveness etc. Weird, but ok.
First time we eat out together, we sit down at the table and the first thing he does is points out the waitress, comments on her physical appearance and then proceeds to tell me he assumes she must be confused because he eats there often and is always with a different “hot girl”. Alarm bells start going off in my head, but I figure I’m just letting myself feel insecure and its no big deal.
Several times, in some intimate moments, he would randomly start telling me about this girl he tried to date, or that girl who turned him down in one way or another. Starting to feel uncomfortable at this seemingly constant focus on other women.
Then there’s the long winded, less than complimentary ramblings about his ex – very detailed anecdotes about the arguments they had or the reasons they broke up multiple times and his take on her headspace and ALL this stuff, seems like he expects to be counselled through it or something.
Eventually I just can’t stand it any longer and I end it (despite liking him for other reasons).
Now as Im processing it all, I don’t think my discomfort with all this was unreasonable, but I’d love to hear from others on it? Was this weird, or was it just me?
It’s pretty funny how ego works, or rather how stupid it is.
I’ve been dating E and A recently (at this point I’m on two dates with the former and five with the latter) and honestly am not feeling super keen on either of them. E in particular I remember thinking our first date went really well, I thought she was pretty attractive and thought the kiss at the end was good. I’ll admit I also felt like I had to do most of the work to keep the conversation going, but there’s nothing new about that.
The second date kind of highlighted that, where it felt… NICE but not exactly “easy” if that make sense? Like, it all went as it was supposed to, we hooked up at the end, it felt like we were clicking a bit. But at the same time I just wasn’t feeling super connected with her and since that date I’ve just been feeling kind of “meh” about her full-stop. Just an overall sensation that I wasn’t that into her. I even wrote a journal entry saying as much.
Well, she texted earlier this evening to say she didn’t feel a connection and thought we shouldn’t keep seeing each other. And, y’know what, that’s pretty valid, right? Like, if I wasn’t feeling the connection then why shouldn’t she also be feeling that same way? We went through the motions of a good date, but neither of us were really feeling it.
Except, man, I’m actually upset about it. And it’s not even about her really. I’ve had a shit run with dating it feels like, and this just sort of feels like another part of it. Even someone I’m not that into also isn’t that into me!
It’s stupid, but that’s the feeling. What a great sensation!
Guys, how often do you pay for your female friends? And for the ladies, how often do your male friends pay for you? I’m having a hard time not reading too much into it since my friend always insists on paying when we hang out.
Rant. Being 32F is hard. Interracial dating is hard. Being at least semi attractive is hard but more sexy is hard. Being successful career wise is hard. Being intelligent is hard. All of the things that I thought would give me a leg up in life, just hinder me in dating.
I only meet people with personality disorders, nefarious intentions, or liars (concealing sexuality or height) on the apps.
It honestly feels like I’m digging through tons of options in London, but London is the trash bin and I’m digging through trash.
And honestly, before you come for me, I’d like to describe my last 5 dates to you.
I’m giving myself a week or two and then I’m off the apps and just going to go back to peace and hobbies. I use to think it’d be nice to be with someone but the more dates I go on, the more I struggle to remember why I wanted a partner so much. These men just keep putting me off dating to the point I worry that if I meet a good one, I might be just too tired to entertain anything.
I had TWO different women match with me who I had matched with in 2022-23. I had met both of them off the apps and made plans for a second date, they agreed and they both ghosted me. I was shocked that they matched with me again this week. I asked them if they remembered me and both did not.
I don’t know what to make of that. I was really hurt by them ghosting me and apparently it didn’t even register to them as they completely forgot I existed.
Dating apps suck.
I just can’t see imagine finding my person anymore. I think I’m going to be alone forever.
Hey so me and this girl in our friend group hooked up at a wedding and went on a few dates and it didn’t go anywhere even though the first two dates were great. For her and me I know cause she was really into it at first. She just kinda….stopped messaging me after I asked to set up another date where she said “I’ll let you know”, which was already a “uh oh” moment. But later that week I followed up and she said “oh let me check my calendar I thought my mom was coming over this weekend”, and right then and there I knew it was done but just said something like “oh okay cool gotcha”.
Since she’s in the friend group and I’m going to see her from time to time I’ve got to message her something like “hey I know things didn’t work out but just wanted to say thanks for the dates and I had a good time, just sending this because I know we’ll see each other around and I don’t want things to be awkward there’s no reason to be”, right?
Since I was the last to initiate I was kinda waiting for her to send this message but it seems like she was just gonna ghost me lol, which is kinda crazy to me given we will see each other around. But oh well. And I’m genuinely not hurt it was just a few dates, it didn’t work out and that’s cool. I’ve been in awkward situations like this in friend groups before and it suuuuucks, I don’t want that to happen here.
Would you guys message that or just leave it alone since there’s been no contact for two weeks? I mean somebodies gotta say something right? We’re in the friend group together. If it was a tinder date I wouldn’t care.
Honestly, I’m not sure if we’re just taking things slow or heading toward a situationship. We’ve only seen each other five times since the beginning of September (partly my fault). I told them I wanted to see him a little bit more and even though over the last three weeks we’ve met once a week and things feel good in person, I don’t feel like the connection is really moving forward, or it’s just moving really slowly.
When we hang out, he always talks about future plans, but they never actually happen, and I feel like I’m the one who has to make them real. And even though we text every day, the conversations are more like “how was your day? good, you? good too and a little bit chit chat”, not much real connection.
I don’t know if I’m overthinking it or if this really doesn’t make sense anymore as he’s comfortable and not wanting to have a more deep connection
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I (F27) and He (M34) work together. I know already a bad start. However we work in a bar and there is no power imbalance or anything like that. It’s very much a crappy kinda job with no real career progression.
In short he started a few weeks after me and was always very polite and friendly. He often went out of his way and such. We were always work level friendly and he’d often tell me things about his personal life especially when he started having trouble with his EX. In march of this year he broke up with his now ex girlfriend.
In June I posted a story to my Instagram in a sexy dress and he commented telling me how hot I looked and how hard it was to see that as a single guy. I replied and it quickly lead to light sexting. I definitely always had a little crush on him and don’t have much experience so was flattered. I’m also a bigger girl which I feel is important to mention. So we sext a few times, he tells me how hot I am, how obsessed with my boobs he is how he wishes I could be in his bed etc. He also tells me how he doesn’t want to lose me as a friend or mess things up and how he’s a mess rn and not looking for anything serious. I asked him once if he wanted to get drinks after work as friends with a friends with benefits element and he declined politely. I didn’t think much of it. At work we were maybe a little extra friendly and this lead to one of his guy friends at work noticing I guess a flirty element to our interactions and I’m not sure exactly what happened or was said but work boy got mad and stopped talking to me. He texted me that night saying we’d never be anything and he didn’t want me talking to him anymore. This hurt and took me by surprise because he was always so nice. It also hurt because I feel like he’s embarrassed of someone joking he’s into the fat girl. So weeks pass, he ignores me, unfollows me on Instagram and then his guy work friend leaves and this is where the update is.
The minute his guy work friend was gone he was back going out of his way to talk to me and I liked it. I definitely have low self esteem and a crush and having his attention back especially the way he gave it was nice. It’s kinda toxic i suppose. He goes from acting like I’m his favourite person to acting like he hates me. Like my presence annoys him.
So he’s back talking to me every chance he gets only he’s openly more flirty in person which he hadn’t been before. If we were alone he was definitely more flirty. Friday happened and at work we dressed up for Halloween. I dressed in a corset top which made my boobs look really good and I had stockings on. It was sexy I guess. I walk in and he’s all smiling, looking me up and down, watching me all day. Telling me how hard it is for him to concentrate on work because of how hot my boobs look and he even grabbed my ass two or three times so very flirty. I was going out after work and asked him could he get me some weed and he said he could.
I’m out later that night and texting him about the weed. He offers to meet me with it alone and then asks me to come to his place and I say no and eventually he meets me halfway from his house to the bar. I get the weed, we chat, we were both a little nervous maybe but he leaned in and kisses my neck near my boob before I left him. Before I left him he told me I should stay away from him because he makes a mess of everything and ruins things and I’d be better off away from him. I told him again that we could be friends and I’m 27 I don’t need a warning. I go back to my friends and he texts saying I should have come up to his place and honestly I wanted to. So I go back.
I tell him I’m not having sex with him and he agrees. He said we can just do whatever and get high. I also told him over text and in person that I don’t want things to be weird at work again. I told him I want us to be able to joke at work as friends and then maybe hook up after work if we feel like it…and he says it won’t get weird. I say it one or two more times making sure he gets it and the last time he said he’ll try his best to not do what he did before. I go to his place, he’s very nice and respectful. Not pushy or anything. We get high, chat, make out and I mean intense making out and he is all-over my boobs with his hands and mouth. We stopped at one point because he was getting hard and I’d said no sex so He respected that. He was very respectful. When I was leaving he gave my ass a light tap and I kissed his cheek. When I get home he texts me saying he wishes we done more and I say next time we can and we sext for like 2 hours.
The next day I text him a picture of my boobs with his bite marks all over them and a funny caption saying how good of a job he done and he replied with just a laughing emoji and I instantly can feel him distancing again…. I texted again saying I hope I didn’t ruin his night to much again joking and he didn’t respond.
We’re back in work on Monday and he’s back to avoiding me and ignoring me. I said hello to him on Monday and he ignored me. So I decided to give him space and he’s just not talking to me unless he absolutely has to for work. It’s a complete 180. I’d say his behaviour is down to stress and stuff but he’s talking to other people perfectly fine it’s just me he’s not talking to after last week being all over me talking.
We spoke a lot Friday night between the making out and boob sucking about how unhappy he was and how shitty his current situation is. His break up is messy and kids are involved. He also probably has ADHD, he’s very impulsive, like very and I feel like he has a temper although I’ve never been on the recieving end of it but he told me how mad his ex made him and things. He’s also Arab so I’m not sure if some of his behaviour is culture related although he’s not at all religious and doesn’t consider himself Muslim.
So what the hell is going on? I need insight. Cause I don’t know if he likes me or genuinely hates me rn. I know he doesn’t want a relationship with me but I’m not even sure he likes me at all rn. I feel really shit about it.
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A little pe-emptive, but I’m thinking of sitting down and reflecting oon the year so far. As well as coonsider my goals for 2026.
Zohran Mamdani met his wife on Hinge. Keep swiping folks
Guys would you hangout with a girl you’re not interested in?
I have a coworker that I feel comfortable with but I don’t think we’re really that close to be called “friend”. So I (33F) have asked him to go grab bites and hangout and he’s always receptive. But he never initiates so I feel he may not interested in me romantically but I am….but I’m just curious would guys be always receptive to hangout with a girl they’re not interested in?…
He like a quite guy but nice (feel more like a traditional guy) and also don’t really get too loud, approach girls as far as I observed him at work. So I’m just being delusional that if he may be interested in me…but like others say he doesn’t initiate but he’s receptive and talkative with me outside of work when we see…so any thought?
I’m this close to talk to him about it..should I not?
Is it my anxious attachment or am I right to feel kinda sad that we saw each other Monday night and I haven’t heard from him since? I texted when I got home like he asked, he “liked it” 12 hours later, and nothing since. I’m trying not to text him, but… for reference we’ve known each other for like 3 weeks and have seen each other 4 times, probably would’ve been more but he got super sick, has an insane work schedule when he works, and I had travel and he has his kid half the time. I want to have reasonable expectations while also recognizing my own feelings and needs.
Whew. Things are moving quickly with this new guy. I’m trying to pump the brakes a bit because I know myself, but it sure is hard when the feelings and attraction are mutual.
He shared some pretty hefty baggage with me when we got together this week. I’m interested to learn more and continue assessing compatibility from there. It feels good to not totally give into attachment craziness and either a) accept him with his baggage without thinking about it or b) walking away because of catastrophizing thoughts/fears.
I think the big difference with this one is that he is very emotionally expressive and articulate about his feelings/self-awareness. It makes me feel safer. It’s nice.
I’m going to move to Toronto in a few weeks. Find a new job that doesn’t make me want to kill myself. Get sober. And have a better life.
I was there only a month this summer, and made more meaningful social connections during that time than the 5 years I’ve been on the west coast. I don’t know if that trend will continue but it truly cannot get any worse here.
My friend told me she thinks I’m in a dating desert right now. Nothing really exciting is going on in that department beyond 1st and 2nd dates that are going no where. Excited for them then let down that they aren’t excited for me.
People are planning for the holidays I work both holidays. I’m both happy and sad about this. I don’t work my birthday but my son (13) is going to be with his grandparents across the country so I have a feeling no one is gonna do anything with me (I have a birthday super close to Xmas often gets neglected).
I want to reach out to my friends and be vulnerable with them about the fact that I feel so alone coming up to the holidays/my birthday but I’m scared of the possible rejection if they already have plans. My Halloween party was a total fail and I don’t think I can go through that amount of social rejection again. But I can’t have a good time on my birthday if I don’t try. So I will face my fears on this.
What are your expectations surrounding communication between dates? How are you communicating, the frequency, the depth? How do you maintain connection through long stretches between dates (over a week)?
People who multi-date, what is your strategy? At what point do you stop seeing others and focus solely on one person? Is it when you establish sexual exclusivity, or when you decide you want to be official with them / when they ask to be official?
We went for a walk and talked for a couple hours, then I semi blew it by picking a place that it turns out no longer exists, and she decided to call it a night because it was getting late.
Logically, I’m like 90% sure she’s into me, she did suggest another place for next time, and obviously implying there will be a next time is awesome, but my stupid monkey brain is being quite unkind at the moment reading too much into not getting to spend that extra time together or the decision to not just pick another place, and it’s hard to gauge if she’s into me because she’s a genuinely kind and friendly person that’s nice to everyone.
Someone say something nice, please.
We’re texting back-and-forth and really hitting it off the last couple of days , I’m just worried about her ghosting me. It’s happening so many times it’s disheartening.
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Would anyone be willing to assess a few (sfw) pics for me for my profile?
Also, does anyone successfully use anything other than bumble or hinge for actual dating (not hookups)?
OK so I’m in trouble, I really like this woman.
I’m being careful about infatuation or filling in the blanks with my projections of what I want her to be.
Instead, I made a list of things I’ve noticed about her so far. Granted, we’re a month in so I know we’re both on our “best behavior” so to speak. But what I like about this list is it’s several items I didn’t even realize I wanted in a partner, that she’s helped me realize I want.
I think I may give her this list. Thoughts?
I think I may be two years continuously trying to date. I have been on two dates in total. I wasn’t attracted to either one once I met them in person, and I don’t think I’m extremely picky. I just wish the masks would come off in real life already. I’m smart, interesting, kind, fun, confident, dependable, and generally good enough looking. That’s my assessment anyways. I’m not arrogant either. I know I have some flaws, but my point is, despite my own assessment reinforced by friends and my therapist, women generally just don’t want to date me. The apps are brutal, and I am saying that from the perspective of everyone, not necessarily restricted to me. However, I would be shooting myself in the foot if I weren’t using online dating in this day and age. Still, I have gone to singles events consistently and talked to women in person. Most of them are more polite and will hold a conversation with you unlike the experience most of the time on the internet, but still, I have not gotten one date out of those experiences.
There must be some reason I am just not datable to 99% of women. It’s impossible to know with any certainty though. Most people in person ate too nice to tell you straight. People on the internet aren’t as restricted, but they are also often
Anyways, fick my dating life.
I am TERRIFIED.
Date 2 with the guy (38M) I (33F) met on Hinge and I like him so much it’s crazy. I genuinely haven’t liked somoeone this much in years. If I had to write my ideal man, it would be him.
Things seem to be going well, we had very sweet, soft kisses to end the night, and he already asked me if I’m free this weekend, but I’m scared something will go wrong. That he’ll realise he doesn’t feel the spark and call it off. This happened to me too many times last 2 yearss – I think dates are going great but after 4 dates they tell me it’ss not there for them.
My ex messaged me tonight asking for a one on one chat this week (over the internet). I really wish they would just be upfront about what they wanted to talk about instead of it being this vague ‘something’.
For context, we do get along fine in that friend group, and I still care about them, but not in a romantic sense.
Despite me setting my preferences in Facebook dating I’m still getting a lot of likes from guys who are way too far away (100+km) or a decade outside my preferences. How do I get it to not show me to them?