Sorta feel like I’ve given up on most things.
I just have too many issues that are getting worse over time:
– seb derm worsening on my face and scalp
– still have cystic acne at 32
– high LDL cholesterol
– panic disorder. Drinking milk tea started giving me panic attacks
– atypical migraines
– body aches
I still get up everyday to work (it’s work from home). And I started a master’s degree program to feel like I’m doing something with my life. And I take Lexapro for the panic.
But life requires so much maintenance that I just stopped doing:
– I rarely brush my teeth and probably have cavities now
– I barely even shower
– I barely clean, it just gets dirty again so fast
– I am completely sedentary
– I put off tasks I should do
– I barely go outside and find no reason to
– I don’t socialize at all
– I play video games to try to get any kind of dopamine
The maintenance of cleaning myself and my apartment gets me exhausted. I used to clean and declutter, but it gets filled back up again.
I can’t think of anything entertaining to do outside of the house. And any ideas that come up, just sort of seems like a waste of time. Same with hanging out with friends I haven’t seen in a year or more at this point. I don’t have anything to talk about besides work or school. But I’m always tired so I don’t feel like talking anyways.
My schedule is:
– wake up for work feeling tired
– work for 8-9 hours straight with some breaks
– sleep after work cause I’m exhausted
– play a game or use my phone
– struggle to sleep at night and end up falling asleep past 2am
On the weekend, the majority of my time is spent sleeping. I just get so exhausted from the week. Pushing through the sleepiness just gives me severe anxiety.
I think one reason I don’t do anything is because everything makes me not feel good. Its like alcohol, I don’t drink because I don’t like the hangover. I play board games with friends, it’s fun but my back aches and hurts so I don’t do it anymore. I go to a park to chill and I get a migraine. I shower and feel exhausted after.
I’m just tired and dream for a day I can wake up and not have scales on my scalp, no deep skin pimple that is swollen and painful, no migraine/ache/headache, no tension from anxiety. The only time I don’t feel that is when I’m relaxed enough to sleep and then I end up sleeping.
Anyone else experience this and get through it?