I (f27) have been dating this guy (m25) for 10 months now and the vibes are always great and all. We went out to a fancy dinner for our 10 month anniversary yesterday and I got mildly annoyed at him for picking up a call from his mom during our dinner to flap gums at her about the latest politics news and stuff (their family is really invested in news, politics, etc). I know it's not like a first date or anything, the expectations are different, if it was any other night I would never be annoyed at him for picking up calls during dinner or whatever, he should be allowed to have a life outside of me and he's a mommy's boy after all and likes to call his mom frequently which I'm always more than okay with. But this is supposed to be our anniversary/night out, I just wanted him to focus on us for one night/not answer calls during our dinner unless it was some sort of emergency or something, is it wrong of me to be upset over this? The fact that he didn't prioritize our date night and not answer calls during our dinner date? Idk. Not asking if you think this is a dealbreaker type of thing or not, just wondering if my feelings over this are valid or if I'm just overreacting/overthinking things.
4 comments
“Hey, while we were at dinner and having alone time, you talking to your mom constantly is something that annoyed me.”
It’s that simple.
Have you tried telling him? Is there some reason you decided to first consult the internet about it?
All you described is red flags. There’s nothing normal, healthy, or ok about any of this. Not his incredibly inconsiderate, immature, inexcusable behavior, and treating you like you don’t matter, nor you questioning yourself for having entirely valid feelings. You described a long history of toxic behavior, that will only grow with time. And worst of all I don’t think you’re even fully grasping the seriousness of all of this, or the miserable toxic future you’re going to have if you stay with him. Please stop dismissing yourself, and please stop choosing toxic AHs who don’t cherish and respect you. You deserve so very much more than this loser AH.
Valid. He should know better, but if you haven’t discussed it before then I’d (personally) give him a chance to do better. Let him know that taking phone calls during 1 on 1 time, especially a date & anniversary on top of that, is disrespectful. That you want quality time during date nights, zero distractions. When we would go out to dinner, my partner used to be on his phone playing games or watching tiktoks. Then I told him it bothered me because I wanted no screens, just us time where we have more/new conversations. When we went out next, he was very intentional about keeping the phone put away and initiating new conversation topics so it wasnt all just on me to do it. We haven’t had an issue with it during dates since then.
ETA: in my opinion…
Red flag: does something that is disrespectful to you, makes no effort to change once addressed.
Yellow flag: did something disrespectful but claims they didnt know not to do it.
Green flag: listens to your feedback and/or educates themselves on how to do better, and treats you well (not just bare minimum). Actions > words.